WHEN PATIENCE IS LOST

[LoisB]

Ambiv,

Hang in there. Sounds like you've reached a growth spurt. I've noticed with myself that I will have these moments of great desperation and pain before it lifts and I experience a new confidence.

But, you it's ok to do whatever you need to do to help you through the pain. I'm sure you've taken medicine for other ailments. Don't beat yourself up for taking medicine now.

Talk to your doc about another AD. I was very stuck over the summer and I switched my AD a few months ago. I'm so glad I did. I have more motivation to keep going.

This too shall pass.

REally.

Heather

[uRworthy]

Oh A, I hear your pain, sweetie. I want to say first, that you will get through this. You will.

Ok, so, you know when you are on a plane and the attendants tell you that if you feel a drop in air pressure, you are to put your mask on first before helping anyone else?

Well, that is what you need to do here. You have got to get yourself good and strong.

As someone who once suffered from deep depression, I know how it you feel. Please do not worry about weight gain or that you have to change or increase your meds. You are suffering and you need to relieve it. Doesnt mean it will be forever.

I see where you want to tackle all these things that you think will help your h. You cant do that yet. Take care of you first.

Then you can think about addressing the things you think warrant addressing. One at a time.

A, I know this is a lot. I know it's heartbreaking. But I can see what you are made of. You will be able to do this.

First keep calling docs in your plan. Keep calling your GP. Do what you have to get your meds. There are ways for reduced payments. Contact the company who makes the meds. Think outside the box here. It is really important.

Once you get yourself sorted out, we can get a plan together.

Hang in there. We are here.

[Ambivalent]

I walked for over an hour today with one of my doglets. It really helped, felt good.

Temperature was perfect and the scenery bucolic. I also got a return e-mail from a therapist.

The following is what I wrote to her:


I would like to know :

Are you divorced? In an original marriage? If so how long is your marriage?

Are you familiar with Divorce Remedy by M.W. Davis? Are you comfortable with the process?

Would you be comfortable learning about the process before my appt.?

Do you understand or believe in mid life crisis/depression?

Do you believe most marriages are salvageable with the absence of : abuse, addiction, violence?

Her reply:




Today at 6:49 PM






Greetings, Thanks for asking about my approach to marriage counseling. I am familiar with Michelle Weiner-Davis and I have attended one of her trainings. I am familiar with her book Divorce Busters and recommend the book often. I believe strongly in helping marriages survive. I have been married 31 years to my husband.

Would you like to talk more either on the phone or lets set up a session. I would love to support your relationship. My best to you, XXXXXX XXXX

When I got this it was if God sent down a sunbeam. How fortunate am I to find her the first try?

[LoisB]

Can I sign up for this therapist? How awesome is that!!

See!?? Things will turn around.

Heather

[BrightFuture]

A, it sounds very promising! Good for you.

[Ambivalent]

Thanks UR and Lois,
thank you to those who have sent some new folks over .

I guess his letter really go to me. I feel as if I'd made no progress and after soon to be six months, it was if I was kicked in the stomach.

I'm so frightened that he'll find someone, he isn't wearing his ring and it telegraphs he is not married. That is so painful to me, it is as if he's saying you no longer count. I have and feel no commitment.

The reason I feel time is running out, is due to the finances. It is miserable enough to have my nest empty, but to have my home ripped away too, is just devastating.

I'm hoping to get into the therapist soon. It will cost out of pocket but hoping to deposit 100.00 every two weeks into my wee savings account. Maybe if I pay cash, she'll give me a discount.

I can always try. I forced myself to go to dance tonight. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My eyes were bloodshot from crying , but I wear glasses so it may not have been too apparent.

I'm not contacting H. this week, unless he responds to e-mail. Then I'm going to give it 24 hours.

He did open the one with my queries and validations again this morning. At least he keeps opening and reading. Perhaps he's writing a response.

I have my sweet babies next to me in bed, on a chair as well. In a few days , I'll try and think about what to do with the storage facility.

Tomorrow, I'll go to the gymn and my G.P. I have the insurance cards, so no issues there! I cancelled my hair apt, my dogs need shots, so that comes first. Then I have school.

My friend in New Hampshire is really missed right now. I need one of her hugs, they were always so comforting...she has big boobs and squeezes you tight with love.

[uRworthy]

Hey A, wonderful news about the therapist. If she is a good one, she will work with you on payment. Mine did. In fact, she cut her regular cost by 2/3.

One step at a time, one moment sometimes.

I know about financial hardships. I am always one step away from living in a tent. But I always say it will be a pretty pink one. Sometimes you just have to roll with it for a bit.

You have so much to be thankful for. You're in school, your girls, your pets, your health, right?

Things could always be worse.

So, I think you not contacting your h is a good idea. Let him sit with what you wrote. Give him the space he has asked for. That is very important to MLCers, being heard. Even when you dont agree with what they are saying.

Try not to read into him not wearing his ring. They do that. They think that ending the marriage will make them happy. We all know it will not. But they have to figure that out.

This is all part of the process.

Please dont feel as if you dont count. I think he cares a great deal about you. He just doesnt love himself right now so he cant really see much else.

Try to be among people as much as you can. In whatever way you can. It helps.

Have a good night, sweetie. One foot in front of the other,ok?

[Ambivalent]

Went to doc today, got prescriptions refilled and increased choice of dosage for the Zoloft.

I am working on trying to stop thought patterns. The good thing is, he has no clue what I've been going through.

I did some research on body language, eye language.

I was NOT misreading his eye contact.

He is saying with words he's not sexually attracted but his eyes and body language say differently. This does give me a boost of confidence.



The body skimming and hugging tell a different story.

I hurt him very deeply with our lack of intimacy. So much so , it brought him to tears in the counselor's office back in June.

He is terrified of getting hurt like that from me again, and has led to the feeling of disconnection. He has put a suit of armor on and I will have to slowly gingerly let him know that I accept him, admire him , and find him attractive in all areas.

The I don't consider him or think of him first is VERY important to him.

So I was doing well, but then when he was coming out and not coming in a timely fashion, my not being here upset him in this area...hence the " I don't think you realize how long it takes me to get here ( two hours ).

So I needed a club in the head...He IS saying one thing in words but his body is betraying him and he wants to control this. I can truly see where I caused so much pain, he doesn't want to go there.

I have to do some 180's here and be very careful . Smiling without reserve is a biggie, greeting him " as if " nothing was wrong or we are separated. Unconditional greetings...

Stay cheery and don't let every little set back derail me.

Find ways to touch him...if he wants to go to lunch suggest I cook at home instead.

Enlist help with preparation and touch his shoulders, back.

First and foremost, give it time and just get healthier.


I've known this...but my emotions took over and took control.

NOT A GOOD THING!

I am going to work on my emotions, reactions, and focus on breathing, exercise, and feeling sexy. I am going to wear sexy lingerie ...it does help one's attitude. It makes sexy confidence come forth.

When a woman's self esteem is hit in this area..."I'm not attracted to you sexually", it can truly rip apart every part of one's being. I'm taking that back.

I may be 53, but I don't look it. I have great skin, and my body is toning daily. I'm curvy in the good sense ( hour glass ) figure. I wear heels well, and jeans at present accentuate what I've worked on.

Today is a new day darn it , and I've got to throw off that miserable person I allowed myself to become for way too many days this past week.

Going to the gymn now!

Forgive myself

Enjoy my new body, and revel in the success of 32 lbs. lost!

Take my chores around house slowly and not get overwhelmed like I did. I think I now know what a panic attack is! NOT NOT NOT going there EVER again!

[uRworthy]

Now you're talking, A. Good on you. Keep that mindset. Continue to look within and change the things YOU think need changing.

You can do this. I have no doubt.

[Ambivalent]

H. called today at 3:02, I missed the call. I called back about 45 or so minutes later. He was busy and said he'd call right back. Weird, he didn't call back.

Tonight was a school night, he knows this...it's also his bowling / poker night. So who knows?

He must of felt safe enough to call, when he doesn't he writes. Again ...weird.

Therapist contacted again to let me know her hours, I responded asap would be great .

School was okay tonight, did a facial and a back facial

Did tell the gymn to return my membership back into a single membership. H. had made it a family one, but since he's not out here, and daughter is in FFX C. that is an area of cost I can reduce!