Hi there new to this as is everyone at some stage. Scenario is after 18 years together and 9'years of marriage my wife wants a separation. I found out initially 2 weeks ago when she stated she wanted to take a break whilst I was going on a 2 week working trip. She needed space to sort her thoughts out. There is no third party. I returned after doing a major self analysis and made the decision to start by buying flowers and trying to be more romantic. I arrived back to the we need to talk and was told she wants a separation. She still wants to be my best friend and help out with the business so for the past 2 days I have been riding the roller coaster. I then advised we needed to talk and went through the various reasons to explain why I had withdrawn both sexually and mentally and that she was not the problem and I am now doing something about it. This made her angry as she stated why is it one that it's over you are doing all this, I advised that I couldn't hear what she was saying as our communication usually involved me barking at her as I was angry with my self.
Our situation is two fold that she didn't raise her concerns so lack of communication and I made some poor financial decisions and pushed her away. She advised we have been more like friends anyway. I do struggle with this as I want to really make this work and I feel I am now back on track. She is not willing as I believe she doesn't want to be hurt again, is very stubborn and has made her mind up. She states she loves me and always will but can't do this anymore.
I have started to get help to make me a better person and have started to let go even though it hurts. I'm taking it one day at a time. I need to make the changes for me, but I do hope she notices, and maybe starts to wander if she has made a mistake. She stated I can't just forget and forgive the last 18 years - which started at 3 and through conversation has gone to 18, and she told me that she had doubts when we got married. She advised she has lived her life trying to keep me happy as I do have depression which I'm getting help for and this has taken its toll. She now wants to put her first and reclaim herself. She is 37 I am 40. I do feel lost, but hopeful. I have started to make changes. The relationship is civil and we still watch tv etc it's just that in the same house she sleeps upstairs I sleep downstairs.