Second MLC?? Is that possible?

[2Times2Many]

Today was not particularly good. I couldn't get this stuff out of my mind. I just kept thinking about him being back over there, in the apartment he has set up for himself, comfortable and "finding himself" and the more I thought about it, the more depressed I became.

He called and asked how things were going in the office. I told him fine and then talked a little about some issues I had with the alarm system at the house. He told me he was in a "good place" and asked if I was. I lied and said I was .. that I was doing fine. He then said he was glad we were "friends again."

I thought, "I don't want to be just your stinking friend. I want to be your wife!"

My gut just keeps telling me that he is stringing me along because he needs me in the business. If I walked away tomorrow, it would all fall apart. The bills wouldn't get paid, the employees wouldn't get a paycheck ... it would all fall apart in no time at all.

Job, I understand what you say about reading body language, but he is half a world away and I have to rely on what he says ... and I know how deceitful he can be if it suits his purposes.

I want so badly to believe he was truthful with me when he was here, but now that he is gone, I am back at square one.

I am trying to dig down and find the patience, but it is so hard. I am fighting the urge to send more destructive emails ... so I'm here instead.

I did go on Amazon today and ordered some books that I think will help me overcome some of my weaknesses - like lack of assertiveness. So, at least that is a positive for today. I'm also looking for some online courses that will just be fun to do, like, I don't know, basket weaving or flower arranging ... anything that will fill up the empty time around this lonely house.

Sorry for the downer post. I guess I just needed to vent.