So sorry to read your story. I was also on the HD side of an SSM and I know it is terrible and can be soul-crushing. Maybe post on the SSM forum if you feel that is at the root of your current issues? **I may move over there, I figured this was the best reintroduction point for now though
When you say your mother and father massively overcompensate, what does that mean?
**This has to do with letting the older "run wild". I understand that Grandparents often spoil grandchildren, but this is beyond reasonable spoiling. Largely because of the unhealthy relationship I have with my mother and the rest of the family. The girls have learned that to get what they want they go to Grandma and Grandma MAKES it happen.
For example: Just a few months ago, girl scouts were starting and the girls were interested. As I said I am in my last semester at college (I go 5 days a week), we have 4 children, several dogs, (I didn't mention the next bit yet) BUT my MIL is currently living with us and my husband works full time. Our life is hectic. We told the girls we would think about girl scouts depending on the schedule. My mother forced the issue after the girls whined to her and got nasty with us and said that she and my father would take the girls to scouts and pay for it to ensure they get to go. What has she paid? Nothing. How many meetings have they attended? None.
Now it's not the point that they are going and doing these things with my children. It's the point that she has to force every issue and if isn't done her way, it's a massive blow out. Because as we say no one says no to her. What does H have to say? How does he explain his withdrawal?
**He and I have talked this through several times and right now it comes down to him being "tired" and "confused". He says he's fought so long to keep this family going (between my co dependance/attachment issues/anxiety, my mothers meddling, money stress, and general life I understand). He says he need space, but he doesn't know how to achieve it as he feels that we are in two different relationships. He doubts that he ever loved me, He says he feels like he hasn't been living, just going through the motions. He says he knows he loves me but he doesn't even view me as a friend anymore. We don't even have a friendship in his eyes.
