I have been reading some of your posts and would greatly appreciate if you could take a look at my sitch with my WAW. The perspective you bring will surely help me determine if I am doing things right. Thank you soooo much.
Hi Anitasues, I am Nitaf107. I amsoory to take over your thread but you story is a little similar to mine. My H had an A about 2yrs aga. I never said anything.I kept all of my feelings burried deep. I was in alot of pain. Summer 03, I felt fed up and had an EA from about aug-oct. My husband expected something. he was never sure and I never admitted it. We have been seprated 3mos. I suspect that he is having an EA.He is at his moms house. He will not admit to anything so I have to take his word. I am really confused n\by his bevaior. When he 1st left he said that we could never be intimate againg because it makes him sick to his stomach. Here lately we have been intimate about 2xs a week.He says he will never be able to trust me again and about 3wks ago mentioned the bid D. I ahven't heard anything else and we continue to be intimate. Lately he has been reffering to me as honey and baby. We have always told each other ILY but I stopped because I was DBing and he started it back up. We are having some robberies and the area and he said if anyone looks supicious or bothers you call me and I said you would protect me? he said I would kill someone over you!! I don't ask anymore questions about possible EA but 1 day when we were about to ML he said honey I have no one else to take care of me. Why did he want to reassue me all of a sudden. Earlier that day is when he mentioned the big D. Thatis why I am confused D by day ML @ nite. Is he confused also? What should i do. Should i stop Ml with him. I just love him and want him home. I never saw this coming. Any advice..please. Anitasues I would really repect your opinion because I was sorta a WAW. Just a short period of time and H got frustrated. He said they we didn;t have enuff ML inour marriage. theres more now than then ....HELP
wow, that is very confusing. I'm not feeling well today, but I did read your post and just wondered if there is a OW still in the picture? I really wanted to ML to my ex and he turned me down saying that it would get confusing and I was mad at him for refusing me but reading your post, I know he was right to refuse me. I wouldn't feel comfortble ML to him if he is still mentioning the d word. Yeah, its confusing alright, it sounds like you guys arent' even separated--ML and all. but you have to figure out why both of you started your A and work from there. I had my a because I was so loney, ex worked all the time and was never very physical with me. My OM was great, paid attention to me and for some reason, I could tell this guy anything. I never fought with my husband, I kept it all inside because I figured, if I said what I felt he would be mad and then we would fight and I had fighting. But we are learning to communicate more and more. You can't keep things bottled up inside.
I hope you feel better.I enjoyed taling to Om as well. My husband and I just got wrapped up in life and stop taking care of each others needs. We took each other for granted. I never thought he would leave and stay away 3mos. We don't don't have relationship talks yet. We are grtting along fine for the most part. When I got home today he was lying on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. I made him some tea. He s;ept for a couple of hours and then took S10 to B-Ball practice. His behavior doesn't seem to be that of a man that wants a D. He hasn't bought it up in 3wks. I think he is confused . HOw are you and your ex getting along? Did he say that he's gonna hve trust issues. Does he still bring it up? I pray that all goes well with you.
Anita, how are you? Hope things are getting better every day. You said something about your A that struck home with me. You said your XH worked a lot and not much physical contact. OM listened and was affectionate. I understand this all too well. My XH was working 90+ hours a week (1 job), I was working 80+ hours a week (two jobs)and we forgot about eachothers needs and feelings. My OM came to see me daily at my 2nd job, brought little thoughtful gifts, gave me lots of attention, and was easy to talk to. What I thought was a friendship was actually an EA. Soon that EA turned into an A. Before I knew it I was wrapped up in this double life. You know the funny thing about this is that I thought the grass was greener on the other side. Looking back I think to my self "Halo, what were you thinking... you were an idiot to let someone come in between the sacred vows you made" One day I was told that men cheat for sex and women cheat for affection. I remember this as I continue to Db. Dont allow feelings to be bottled up, this is self torture, and never neglect the things you care about. I dont know how you feel about your situation, and have not heard any more about the OM in your life but I hope you being the best you you can be. Prayers and hugs to you.
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
I hope your h doesn't have what I had!! I think he is confused. But so was I, I must have said I want a d for 2 years before I actually did leave. Since we have been d for 3 years, I think he is past he anger and slowly I am gaining back his trust. We both took eachother for granted too, I think every couple does that once in a while--life is always so busy! Last Feb, I told him I wanted to go to C and we had a big fight that he forgives me, but doesn't trust me. Now in Jan, he told me he wants to go to c. Its like I am still married, I am always over his house, we all go to church on Sundays as a family. You need to build trust with actions. I take it that your OW and OM are out of the picture. I try not to bring anything up about trust. On the ML business, well, if he isn't seeing anyone else, why not. Have you guys ever sat down and had a heart ot heart as to why both of you had A?
I know just how you feel,I was the same for me and it still is in a way and we have been living together for 6 months. You just have to think positive,I didn't read all your posts as I don't get back to the board much now.If you still love your X work on it.Being sober for 2 weeks is good but I would say he has a long way to go ,how do you know you will be happy. Make a family,a little pain and discomfort has been worth it.
. HOw are you and your ex getting along? Did he say that he's gonna hve trust issues. Does he still bring it up? I pray that all goes well with you.