1) Some of W's main reasons for loss of love and desiring S have been the control, manipulation, stealing her voice, as she puts it. Again, these are words that she used for the first time in 11 years.
Do take her seriously and change yourself accordingly, but also keep in mind that WAS's engage in a lot of rewriting of history, and especially of making things seem a lot worse than they really were.
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But I am trying to see the validity in them. I think working on listening skills, and giving up control, not initiating R talks, being willing to "be happy instead of being right" - all of these are 180's I am beginning to make.
All great stuff!
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At the moment, W has disallowed any form of touching at all. So, my question for fellow DBers is, "How can I 180 on emotional connection and physical affection in this context?
You can't. When it comes to these just file them away for now. If and when you get to piecing then you can work on these, but unfortunately you can't right now because it's pressure and pursuit.
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2) Also, since the lack of emotional connection has been an issue, should this then make me think twice about the idea of going dark?
Personally I am not a fan of going dark, for the reason MWD spells out in DR. If the LBS was perceived by the WAS as cold and distant (as is often the case), then going dark will be perceived as "more of the same" behavior.
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I would like advice in this. Should I continue to endure the current setup which is basically a full-blown S except for the fact we live together? DoI keep holding steady in this, knowing my faults contributed to her current position?
Hold steady and let her make the decisions. This is what the whole "open the cage door" concept is about- you open the door and get out of the way. It's her choice whether to step through the door or not. Any tinkering you do to try to force her to do something is going to be perceived by her as controlling and manipulative, which you've already mentioned is an issue for her. So find a way to be content with your current sitch. Make the most of it.
