hi everybody and thanks for the notes. i have been in kind of ratty mood because of inadvertent comment h made when i asked if he had "other" holiday plans or if he was spending them with me and he said "i don't know". $hithead... i feel like something has changed here. don't know if it's him or me- just something different in the air. can't pinpoint it. probably imagination- as usual- i expect him to send an e-mail saying it's over man- adios...
linda- you made me laugh- im glad i wont be the only ancient old lady gasping her last breath and saying - please put on my headstone - "next year for sure".
i say it all the time in jest- about the garden (and all my personality improvements, cleaner house, you name it - (it's alwaaaays a jumble) (i do love jumblie gardens- but those darn bags of mulch for the paths have been sittng ther for about three years now- i know, don't even say it-
who knows, maybe this fall for sure!!!
worked today - insane special ed middle school- mostly okay- one little total "screamer" what a freak show but entertaining as heck. as usual.
i did laugh pretty much- always a good thing.
saw lots of little faces i recognized who smiled back- it was nice-
so- just got home from school - not a word from h since fri (he called twice - all chatty & pleasant- dead giveaway that he's allll happy and his tail is waggin because you know what- trip to ow. yes, i am sure. HOWEVER - SO NOT A WORD for sat or sun- me was totally busy every minute with races and flea markets and homework & wendy's with neice and visits to mom (needed some criticism please) visit with old friend- you name it.
ANYWAY- SO NO WORD AT ALL (in my life- it's a rarity for us not to speak every day- ) so come home just now to three e-mails
one a picture saying a word or two- leading to next e-mail with another picture of a giant lizard he found in yard- and then third saying after two days of not hearing my voice - he misses me.
wtf??? what in the stinking world do i have to say to him? it made me wanna blubber - then immediatley NOT -
i didn't reply because honestly- i just want to say "suck it up- your choice> and leave it there. rude and ratty. THEN I DON'T - of course,...
i know im supposed to be charming- i am not in the least charming today. this is no game or joke to me- i know, i'm & you're all thnking about alllll the things we allll know about what mental midgets these guys are mlc and so on.
i knwo, i know. i'm just sayin- i cannot think of one thing in the universe to say in response to him or to want to pick up that phone and speak to him. i have nothing at this minute.
going outside to walk it off and not think about it.
will welcome any suggestions- i don't want to say "me too" and i don't want to say - blow it out your ear buddy.
i can't talk. (well, to him) anyway. you guys- different matter.
thanks guys for being out there. and thanks bea for plumbing input- maybe i'll pick those stupid tiles off and have a look - after all, whtat can happen that would be so bad??? gonna take my birthday away if i mess something up?
i just don't care today.
glad i worked- gotta go look at my mother now before i am "in" for nite- walk and don't want to budge out.
