I messed up big time. I engaged in a a few EA with a girl over the phone and then a girl I met online over skype. I did not want the feeling to end and my whole ridiculous craziness lasted about 3 years until I moved out a yr ago. My excuse was that I was Mr Mom and my wife was never there to take care of our D4 now. Of course there is no excuse to ever cheat. My EA turned PA when I met the girl after I moved on my own. I traveled to her and we met. I was sure I wanted to pursue the relationship, but my W and I never stopped spending time together and being intimate even though we were separated. My W suffered a great deal and was always wanting me to come back to her and our D, but I didn't want to hear it. The fact that she still was a workaholic and never cooked cleaned etc. just validated my stupid decisions.
Hello and welcome! Can you clarify, are you saying your wife has left or wants to leave now? You didn't say it in your message, but the subject title makes it sound like it. Have you read DR? If not, get it right away. Please post more info such as your ages, whether you have children (how many/ ages), what your current status is and why, and how we can help you (what are your goals).
in June I found out she met a man, once that happened I went crazy and did everything wrong. I looked at the list of things not to do and did pretty much everything that was said not to. Now the tables turned and she did everything I did once. She turned to be the cheater. Lied for 4 months stating that the man was no longer in the picture and led about everything. We live in separate apts now. I have been noticing very strange behaviors, no sex and very moody when I try discussing our reconciliation. She would just ask for the typical space and time to think, but the s hit the fas on Sept. 16th. After having a great afternoon in the movies as a family with our daughter I went home as I have been trying to give her time and space. She asked the unusual question she has been asking lately "when do I leave for work travel and where too?" That made me suspicious so I went home, but after a few hours I decided to go back to her apartment. She had texted me a good night and thank you for all I had done.
I went and drove by her apt. as I turned around I saw a white car and I know that this OM drove this brand of car. I confronted him and he got out and started cursing me out. He is a cop in out city and started threatening me that he would arrest me. Ridiculous! Any way, back in June and August I texted him about 5 times asking that he would stay away from my wife and family, but no threats or anything bad, just texts telling him to respect and stay away or I would report the situation to his superiors. My W would say that he would text her and sometimes she answered and sometimes not. In the heat of the moment he put his hands on me to sort of push me away, but I never touched him. I called my W and she came out, it was about 11pm. When I confronted her she said she had decided to move on. Surprise to me as she had been telling me that this man no longer existed, that I was paranoid and crazy and that she had not made a decision as to take me back or not. I told her that she lied to me, to keep him and that she was dead to me forever. I left devastated. Of course I was suspicious as she had been acting unlike her for a very long time now. The usual appearance changes, new things around the house that when I asked where she got them from she would get aggravated etc.
But this is what makes it worst and has me questioning whether or not I want this woman back. I called my aunt who was BF with my wife until this day. She also works for law enforcement. When I told her what happened she said I needed to call 911 because this man had laid his hands on me and this was wrong. I did and after hours of back and forth with the police I ended up arrested. How? Well of course I called a cop on a cop and these were his buddies. My W sided with him and even put a restraining order against me. I spent 16 hours in jail for texting "stalking" him. LOL She said she never saw him push me, but of course not. She was in the house still. He was very aggressive and I was calm and collected. This shattered my world and I cried like a baby as he walked back to the house as he was the man of the house. My D 4 years old sleeping in there and all along she had been lying about this OM being around.
I have had to get a lawyer to make sure these misdemeanor charges are dropped as I have a career to worry about. The judge declined the restraining order, but I am devastated because I would never had thought she would turn her back on me for a stranger. Allow this man to use his power to throw me in jail! The father of her child and the man she so claimed to love! It's been a month now and at first she was being very cold when ever she communicated about me seeing my D, but since I have had her sister call me twice and her mother once. The theme is, that they feel she made a mistake, that this man somehow brainwashed her and that she still would like to spend time as a family for out D sake and have me go on skype etc when I travel to see my D. The problem is that I really am doing NC, not because I'm using it as a tactic, but because I feel humiliated, disappointed and have no desire to talk to her, although I do know I love her dearly. This whole charade will cost me about 10k in lawyers including the D lawyer. What to do? I know now she acted like an adict and made some poor choices that now she might be regreting. I know she is still seeing this man and has not asked for forgiveness or to come back, but as usual this won't end well as this relationship started with lies and deceit. She lied to everyone. Friends, family, me, everyone. Not only that. This OM cheated on his Ex-W with a married woman and also was abusive to his Ex both verbally and physically.
Mind you, this is a woman that was crazy about that said she could not bare the thought of living without me a month prior when I was wayward. All of the sudden she no longer loved me a month later when the OM came in the picture. I believe I was the main cause of this. Once I discovered her meeting this OM, she said she would even change her number. We were intimate and she was willing to work on the marriage, but my guess is that she talked to him and somehow convinced her to give him a chance or to at least not cut all ties until she was sure what she wanted. He probably staid calm and collected while I became insecure and them I started begging and pleading and that's when she did the 180 and the tables turned. for 4 months she started lying and probably what started more as an EA for her became a PA. The man in me wants to never take her back even if she does, but I think about our D and since I went wayward first I feel compelled, but i never went as far as she did in allowing the humiliation and taking the OW' side. I went to jail for crying out loud and she did nothing to stop it!
Finally, she never has pressed on us D. I have always been the one bringing it up in frustration and she would say that If that's what I wanted then OK, I guess she wanted her cake and to eat it to. Before finding this site and the day after the A discovery I filled for D, bit she almost completely ignored the lawyer's email and contact, although at first she seamed cooperative she failed to fill out the proper paperwork and it almost seams as she is avoiding the issue. Never has once pressed on it or even brought it up in whatever limited communication we have had. But I have been pretty p*sed and animate about wanting nothing with her and waning the D. Maybe this 180 has scared her. Who knows...
