The Big Chill

[BrightFuture]

Of course, he wanted to know where you went. It is funny how it works. They want to do their own things when they want to do them, but they get worried if you do the same.

You must be doing something right. The dynamic of your interaction with H has changed. Maybe he is learning something too. Keep it up!

[3boymom]

Hi Pud! It looks like we had a similar weekend. It is so nice to have them ask, since we are normally the ones wondering where they are going. My H noticed that I had a dress in my car (I was heading out with the kids and then was going to meet my friends after). H said "You have a dress. Why do you have a dress. Are you going out? Who are you going with?" He said it so fast that he got tongue tied. I said that I may go out with a friend from work. He looked worried. I mentioned that it was a female friend and it looked like he was able to breath again. It is crazy that these reactions are coming from men having an A. Definitely interesting!!

Glad you were able to get some time for yourself. I have done a ton of reading lately. It has been so helpful. Hope your week continues to go well!

[Pudmuddle]

BF, I sincerely hope something is changing for him. It is just so hard because we want it to be so much faster. But this is work, and marriage is work, every day, that's what I have forgotten the past 6 years. Forgot to work at it. It helps me to know that other people can see a change when it seems so minimal to me, probably because I am wrapped up in it. I appreciate you saying so.

Hi 3! Isn't that funny how terror strikes their little confused hearts? What your H said made me laugh too. Hopefully they can see WE are doing the RIGHT THING, and this will have SOME impact on them. Just keep looking for those glimmers!

[Pudmuddle]

I haven't posted for a few days on my sitch, just needed a break from it. No R drama lately, that's good I guess? So just journaling here.

After I asked H to take S to the ortho appointment the other day, I kept getting calls while I was at my dentist appt. Then I get a text from H saying 'Sorry forgot you were at the dentist.' How could he forget...ah, mlc fog, I had asked him to take S to his appt because I had my appt...Seriously this forgetting thing is kind of humorous at times. But after that he said that he and S had gotten into a minor fender bender in his company van. H isn't supposed to be driving this van with anyone in it, it is for business only. They were ok, but the van had some side damage. He will have to explain this to business now, oh well, not my issue.

He's been in a fairly good mood, but still has not mentioned the moving out that I'd asked a week ago. The vets were right that he probably wouldn't move out. But he has been more detailed to me in where is going and stuff. lol.

Last night he and S had their karate tests and they had to leave early from home. He sent me a phone message about this and it was quite detailed, letting me know how they had to leave early and exactly when their specific tests were. And also how one of the dogs had gotten sick in their cage again and how S had cleaned it up. I was wondering when I got home where they were so I was glad he filled me in like this. I called back to say thanks for letting me know.

I also mentioned how the one dog he left out had gotten into the trash and then came up to my bed and threw up his dinner. Ew. This is the one dog that LOVES my H and I think is feeling the stress of H not paying attention to him like he used to...poor doggie. I wished him good luck on his test and then said goodbye. H got quiet and then said ok, bye.

Then when they had gotten home, I asked H and S about their tests and they had passed. H seemed talkative and we had more small talk. Then I retreated upstairs to my room. S went downstairs to play his video games. H sat in the living room and was watching tv. Then my S started getting excited about his video game, whooping and making loud noises. My H just sat in his chair and yelled out for S to be quiet.

Keep in mind S is downstairs and the door to basement is shut, so he can't really hear anyone upstairs unless they are at the door. S continued to make loud noises and H again yelled out to him to be quiet. I just sat in my room listening to H, seemed like he was getting more and more annoyed quickly. S really wasn't that loud or annoying which was interesting. After the 3rd time, H got up and went to the door, and asked S to turn it off because H had asked him 3 times. It was interesting how annoyed he got, something seemed to be on his mind more than that. S has done this before and H has not even noticed it...

After a while H went to bed, and S did something downstairs. I heard H pound on the wall as if to say, 'stop it!'.

I went to lunch with some good friends from work yesterday and we talked about everything, it felt good. They both know my sitch and they are supportive without being judgmental. They both said they were impressed with how I was handling things.

I've been thinking about how if H did come around eventually and wanted to work on things, I wonder if I would want to. I know that's normal feeling, but I just really wonder. I think there are certain things he would have to commit to before I could even think about it.

Hope everyone on here has a drama free day!

[Pudmuddle]

Today I woke up feeling...weird. I've been sleeping really good at night, like very soundly with no waking up in panic state or fear gripping me. It has been nice.

I also just feel very detached. I know this is a good thing, lol, but I am really able to look at H with new eyes.

Yesterday H sent me a text about some coaching charges I had on one our cc's. My first thought was oh great, something for him to argue with me about. I didn't respond as I was almost home from work, but then when I came in I saw him and said 'do you remember last time when we were talking about this cc, because I had charged something else on it, and I had told about this card charge coming up because you wanted to know if there were any more?" He of course, in fog city, didn't remember this convo. I kind of figured that, so I approached it as if he didn't know and as if he wouldn't be angry about it. Guess what? He just said"ok, that's completely fine, it just comes across on the bill with a vague description so I didn't know what it was".

So he didn't seem upset nor did he take this opportunity to ask again if we could separate the finances. I was kind of pleasantly surprised by this.

Then this morning when I let the dogs out, he came out of his room and was looking at me. Normally he doesn't come out of his room when I am doing this. I just said cheerfully 'Good morning!' and then I mentioned how our one older dog was being really funny this morning. H laughed and said 'of course he is because it's only 6 degrees outside, he saying brrr chilly!"

Again, me mildly surprised at his fun behavior.

He also poked his head up the stairwell and said bye have a nice day thing. I said 'Bye, you too...<H's name>. I kind of hesitated before I said his name so it sounded like I was going to ask him something further. But I wasn't. So I just waved again and said Bye.

Then this morning he just sent me a text Thanking me for doing some grocery shopping last night. And I don't even know what to say. Or how to respond or if I should. Sigh, I hate this cr@p.

I know I'm supposed to look at the positive things, but this is freakin' me out! I just feel wary that becuz he is in a good mood and treating me better that there is some other bomb headed my way. I feel so wary right now, it just feels WEIRD.

Thoughts anyone? talk me down, LOL.

[cat04]

Pud,

Of course you feel wierd. It is all part of the new normal lol.

You might not be walking on eggshells every second now, but there are still huge patches of them all over the floor.

A simple welcome to his thanks about the groceries will work.

No more, no less is needed.

Not everything has a huge meaning attached to it. Take his good mood for what it is. A good mood.

[lostinpgh]

That is great news that you're able to get some sleep. Its amazing what a good nights sleep can do for the mind.

I agree with Cat, try not to read too much into any of his behaviors. Just take them for face value.

You just keep doing you, Pud!

[Not Quitting]

Lost is right - a good night's sleep - or two, or three LOL - do wonders for you.

And like the others have said, try not to read too much into his behaviours.

Stay strong.

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks cat, lost, nq.

I guess when things are going sooo slowly, lol I try to pick up on everything! My impatience is showing...

I did send a you're welcome text back.

I hope it was just a good mood and not a precursor. I am gun shy!:D

[Feenix]

Pud, Lol! We are SO in similar spots in our sitches!

I just posted about how weird my H is being (not nice, like yours, but just really weird...acting odd).

It does make you wonder what bomb is coming next....but others here are totally right. You can't read too much into anything they say or do.

We get so caught up in analyzing everything that we forget that sometimes there is NO meaning attached to what they say/do.

Glad things are peaceful at your house today.