Thanks for your kind words and support. I am a little anxious though--we have to wait until May, but ths okay, at least I have some scheduled. I hope your mission is on it's wait to success. My sister and I took my mom out Sat for her b-day and while waiting for our table I ran into my best friend in high school. She had gone to our last class reunion and she will telling me that everyone in our click was divorced. She asked me why I didn't go and I told her well, I was at the being of my divorce and she said that she was sorry and that she was surprized that I was divorced. That we seemed like the perfect couple and that my ex was such a sweetheart. For some reason, that bugged me through my entire dinner!
Wow, ex called me last night to congratulate me because d came home with a ribbon she won from the school science fair. I had spent many weekends helping her and he wanted to thank me because he acknowledged that he did not help her and I did.
And as far as the reminding goes, don't do it. My H always needed me to (practically) pin a note to his shirt. Guess what? I stopped and he is now forced to remember. I would say 75% of the time, anyway. And the rest, he has to pay the consequences.
He asked me if he could take over responsibility for a bill. He took the cell phone bill. He missed one month, paid two the next, was OK for a few months, and we just got shut off notices. Well, I told him I hadn't budgeted for it and he would have to pay in installments. That got the light going, I think.
It's painful, when I am so organized. Sounds like you are too, so it hurts when someone doesn't do things OUR way. Don't enable him, sometimes one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to let them fall on their faces and learn their lesson. So, why would our childish Hs be any different?
OK, so, he doesn't pay your d's dance lessons, he will have to face her disappointment. Think he would do that twice?
Yeah, are right rottz. I am organized and basically took care of all the bills and the house. Its like you do have to pin it on their shirts!! But then I get stuck, like I can't read your mind all the time" or why don't you remind me. then when I do I'm a nag!! and then I feel bad when he doesn't remember and that maybe I didn't communicate enough--damed if you do, damed if you don't I guess. Maybe I'll just tell him to look at the list on the tapes. and consider that my part of reminding.
Yeah, it was tough for me to finally realize that the world would not end if things did not get done. That was the final step in my allowing myself to let him take over some things. Sigh.
My H took care of everything. I never HAD to do any bill paying. Consequently, I am now learning how to do that. It takes time and patience and I make mistakes, but I am trying. Maybe your H is not as irresponsible as unpracticed. Help where you can, don't hurt if you can't help. Make sense?
Quote: My H always needed me to (practically) pin a note to his shirt. Guess what? I stopped and he is now forced to remember.
OHmyGOSH, I have been so like these guys. Part of my changes have been to become more responsible. I think some of this is just part of men's hardwiring, but letting us fall in the hot water can be a quick and effective lesson. When W turned over writing the monthly bills to me, and a few were late, and I had to deal with the consequences by calling the creditors and fixing things, I shaped up right quick.
hi alaksa--only only thing I don't have to remind him when were married and stilll don't is money--everything else goes out the window. When married I paid the bills, but he would always check the ATM balace and if we were missing $10, he would question me--I was working too and got frustrated so he took over. But other day to day things such as washing--forget it. My daugher is always borrowing my clothes and when I ask why it's because dad hasn't done laundry. On Sat nights I will come to get d and clothes are everywhere and he complains. I told him I used to do wash on wed and sat and it helped me to do it twice a week, but he still hasn't taken my advice or done anything different.
Part of my changes have been to become more responsible. I think some of this is just part of men's hardwiring, but letting us fall in the hot water can be a quick and effective lesson. When W turned over writing the monthly bills to me, and a few were late, and I had to deal with the consequences by calling the creditors and fixing things, I shaped up right quick.