New to This - An English Man In Trouble

[Hadlee58]

Well thought i would post a quick update, i dont seem to be getting much traffic which is ok but regardless writing down my thoughts is a way for me to keep focused
Things have been moving on at a steady but slow pace these last few weeks, it was my wifes sisters wedding last weekend which was great, it started badly with a disagreement on the Friday, i can put this down to pressure my wife was under but i held my ground and let her know that she cannot speak to me like that and that i didn't agree with her point of view, it was good to finally stand up for myself, for too long i would have just tried to placate things. She apologized later for her outburst which i thanked her for however it is still difficult to live like this. I have now got to the stage where i am happy with the man i have become and if that isnt good enough for her then there is little i can do. She still brings up past problems with me when she isnt happy but i know i cant change them and can only focus on being the man i am today.
The wedding went of well and we all had a great time, i was fairly uncomfortable at times as her family would continuously ask how things are between us, they seem to have a lot of respect for me and want things to work out, as difficult as it was i kept my answers short and vague. Obviously it was difficult seeing the 'in love' couple but thankfully it seems the wedding season is over for this year
My worries are still the same, i can see massive improvements in me and i have genuinely worked on all her issues with me in our R, not always perfect but who is. My wife hasnt really began to work on the problems on her side and isnt in the position to take her share of the blame for our situation or work on any of her negatives we discussed and i am increasingly worried that i am falling out of love with the woman she is. Last week she had a troubled day and i offered her a hug which she politely declined (she was sore from the gym)i just cant stand not having someone there who can say i love you or want to be close with, that is the part that hurts the most and at times i think i deserve to be happy and loved too, i love her unconditionally at the moment but it is starting to wobble. The funny part is she is keen to come to my work parties and has talked about our holiday for next summer even to the point of wanting to get booked so she must see a future for us and that is the confusing part for me. Part of me wants to lay my cards on the table and talk about the relationship come what may, its so difficult knowing what to do for the best
Anyway i feel better for writing this down