good morning halo-well, I guess I'm alright. I haven't had much sleep though. I keep lying in bed thinking about how I hate the new house that ex is in and that I don't really want to get back there (don't know why I am doing that--we haven't even started counseling yet!) I drove to work today thinking about how much his family does not like me anymore (I know who cares what they think) How since once we were married the sex wasn't great anymore. Just all these negative things like should I go back. Will it be better. Our first apt is May 16. In fact, last night, I get d and he worked over this brothers new house. D doesn't like to sleep over my place so I brought her back to ex's house a 9 p.m. so she could get ready for bed. He didn't get home until 10:15 p.m. I hate waiting for him to come home in his, formally my home. He thnaked me for staying, two time in a week. then asked me when our first session was--hey he's thinking about it-wow. I told him I would have to check my calendar I couldn't remember if it was may 15 or 16. I felt like saying if you opened the bag with the tapes, I told you that I taped our counseling appts to the cover of the tapes. Put I didn't. Today, I guess is just a doubting day. maybe I just expect everything to be perfect, heck I don't know. Its just so sad, he busted his butt on the house, never spent time with d and me and now I look around and he doesn't use the fireplace which we spent hrs. picking out the stones for it. I spent back breaking weekends splitting and stacking wood with him and now he doesn't use the fireplace and gave all the wood to his brother. They all watch t.v.in the bedroom--great room isn't used. everything he worked for, he isn't using. okay I'm done with the self pity thanks for listening!
