We had a good day yesterday. H sent a text in the morning to say that he would watch the boys while I took S4 to a birthday party. He got to the house in the morning and wound up staying until after the kids went to sleep for the night. We had lunch as a family and watched some football. I ran some errands while he stayed with the kids. He did some work and watch a game by himself in the basement while I hung out with the kids upstairs. I would have really liked to hang out together, but I wanted to give him some space and not feel pressured. I just enjoyed the feeling of having him in our home. Neither of us asked about our night out the prior evening.
H previously said that he did not feel comfortable coming over to even watch tv for fear that I would want to talk about the M. I can see that my hard work over the past month is having an effect on him. He is softening a little and I can see him peaking out a tiny bit from behind the wall he built. He is still firmly behind the wall, but there is a tiny glimmer of hope that did not exist a few months ago.
H continued to joke around with me a little. We were cleaning the basement up after the kids went to bed and he was trying to hit me with one of the kids' balls. He used to do this all the time. He would wrestle, tickle me. It used to drive me crazy. I vividly remember him telling me that I would regret it if he stopped doing those things one day. And I totally regret it.
I am in the middle of reading the 5 Love Languages. I am pretty sure that H's love language is touch. And he used to express his love for me via touch. I never appreciated it because I know that my primary love language is not touch. Well, I can tell you that H can jokingly hit balls at me or tickle me and I will soak up every second. I am not sure how much to reciprocate, but I am just going to take it slow.
I know that his IC told him that he needed to start using some muscles that he has not used in a while to see if he loves me. He previously told me that he did not know if he even wanted to try or if he even knew how to find those old muscles. H was been so careful to not cross the line that he drew in the sand months ago. He has gone out of his way to make sure that he was not leading me on and that we only interacted in a very business like manner. But this feels different.
I am going to keep moving forward with my journey and hope that it continues to improve our relationship, whatever it may be.
