I don't like knowing that this is gonna get worse before it gets better. That's a scary thought.
Not as scary once you accept things the way they are. Once you accept that it's not about you. Once you accept that you can only control your actions and reactions. Once you accept that you can choose to feel a victim or you can choose to see that life really is about how you choose to react and overcome things that happen in your life. Let's face it, what she has done, she has done. What she will do, she will do. The question that remains is what you're going to do with your life. How your actions will be remembered by your kids 30 years from now when they look back on this time. The legacy you leave your kids will help them for generations. Or hinder them. But for my money, I say bring on the challenges. I may not know why or how, but I do know me. I know that I'll be able to withstand whatever comes and I know that I'll show my kids how to do the same. I'll also be able to show them how to not give up. To persevere. To have values similar to mine. How to make their own choices and how to respect their mother and father. With or without my ex, those things are important to me. They were then, and they are now. My ex makes her choices and always has. I have always made mine. And will continue.
Have a great rest of your day. Don't worry about her blaming you or telling you things like "why now?" or "it's too little too late." I can tell you I heard those things as well and I changed very little. There were some things of course, but I realized it wasn't about me (a little later in the cycle; I'm human too ) You aren't forcing her to make her choices. Nor should you. She'll make hers regardless of what you do. But you can choose to make yours for you and for your kids and you'll be happy you did.
A 35degree run? Reminds me I have to get to it. I have a mud run coming up with my son and it tends to be cold around Thanksgiving...
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks pud and indigo for the encouragement. Just needed some time to recover from another mini BD. I feel like I am working my butt off every day to make myself better with very little payoff. I am not yet to the point where I can truly say that the changes are for me and I don't care what she thinks.
Changes I am making in my life are very rewarding, but it's frustrating when W cannot see them for what they are. I would love to see some sort of movement from her side.
One day I'll reach the point of complete detachment where I know that I can live without her and I will be at peace with any outcome. I am not there yet. I can only keep struggling to get to that point. Maybe then I will find the peace and happiness that she kept posting about on FB.
Ironically, it was Children's Sabbath at church today. The entire worship service was dedicated to family. Sermon went through ways to strengthen your family bonds. Very appropriate. Maybe not ironic.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
AJ-you seem very at peace. Thanks for your sage advice. On the fitness side, I've lost 40 lbs in the last 4 months and I feel great. It's one of the constant positives in my life right now. I'm going to run in a 5k with my boys in November. Can't wait for that experience.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
My great dilemma tonight: Go back to my bed with her or not. We've been sharing a bed since BD, but I've been on the couch for the last 2 nights since OM called the house in my presence. I've gotten back on my feet and put my big boy DB pants on again today. I'm just not sure if I want to go back to lay beside her right now.
Can I send her a message by leaving her alone?
Or do I go back to acting "as if" and go to bed like normal?
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Is she in the master bed? If so, that's where you belong. I'd move back in and keep to my side.
I was in the guest bed room for a month or two, because of my actions one night. I told my W I was going to earn my way back to "our" bed. After a couple months of being a model H, I announced I was returning one night. W decided to take the guest room. This obviously wasn't my goal, but at least it showed I was willing to stand up (and go to bed, lol) for myself.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Sorry guys. I tried to go to bed. I could only stomach it for about 15 minutes and had to get up. She was still awake, so she knew I left and didn't come back. I couldn't stand being near her. As I said earlier, I'm not sure I even like her in her two faced mode. To everyone else, she is a sweet, happy, pretty little girl that will do anything for anyone. To me, she is a moody, spiteful, lazy, selfish person that doesn't care that she is so self absorbed that she is destroying our family.
Sorry to have a pity party on here, but I'm in a bad place since Friday night. I really thought things were progressing and then OM jumps back in. She confesses that she has never stopped talking to him since at least June.
Going to play golf with my buddies on a day off from work today. Trying to think of big stop signs in my head to keep out the negative thoughts. I just wanna enjoy my day.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
I think I would be the same way. Pretty tough to lay next to her knowing what you know. Just do what makes you feel comfortable right now would be my advise. Have fun playing golf! I hit balls or play almost every chance I can right now. Pretty good stress reliever for me.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
Hey J. indigo is right. Do what you need to do. If you need to feel pain, or get up and leave the room just do it. Like someone told me you can't be a robot all the time. It is so hard seeing someone acting the way our spouse's do, hurting us, our families, having no regard for anyone. It is so difficult, but we cannot fix it right now.
I still think you are doing well. Just make sure you feel the emotions and let them out in whatever way you need to.
Whack a few golf balls and imagine someone's face on them.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
) You aren't forcing her to make her choices. Nor should you. She'll make hers regardless of what you do. But you can choose to make yours for you and for your kids and you'll be happy you did. 