thank you soooo much charcoal for reading my thread, thanks for giving me a new insight. but yeah I think you are right, ever since ex has told me that he loves me, I have been wanting to be alone more. But it does sux!!! I have a talk with OM and that if he tries to contact me again, I will have to take legal action. I am changing my number today. You are right I seem to be changing myself for everyone else. At least that is what I did when I was married, I was always afraid to be myself. Ex was raised extremely strict and for example go nuts when I polished my nails. Why am I wasting money. But I explained that I like having my nails poished sometimes, make me feel pretty. Again thanks for your input!!!
I could not find a audio of db, so Michele suggested "Keeping the Love Alive" so I ordered that today. I found a counselor tht is in a convenient location for both of us, but she is on vacation, so I will have to wait for a return call. I read db book and now want to hear the keeping the love alive, but when I get them I will give them to the ex, maybe with me reading the bd book and him with the keeping alive tape we could figure out where and what to work on first.
"the ability to deceive others is only mastered by much practice on ourselves."
Thanks for posting on my thread. I wanted to follow your story. You are so strong. Good for you, you are doing some great things. It's so much fun to begin to take care of yourself FOR yourself. What a great story you have. Good luck, I will keep reading. Hope your ex reads listens to the tape.
well, it will be a good test to see how much he wants to work on things. I have had my daughter overnight for the past 4 Sat. ex said that this Sat he would take her. I made plans to go to this new fitness center opening up in town with a girlfriend. Well, I told him I would take her to get her new glasses and that I would bring her home for supper. Well, I was back and he wasn't (this always happens) no note nothing. So I told her to pack her stuff she is staying with me. She was disappointed and as we were leaving the phone rang and it was the ex. Sorry he wasn't there, at his brothers helping him said he wouldn't be home until 9-10 p.m. wondered if I had plans I said yes but that it was with my girlfriend and I will cancel. he told me he owes me one, I told him its my daughter she is always first with me, you don't owe me anyting. Daughter and I had a blast and at 10 p.m. there was a knock on my door, the ex. he looked so tired and said that he was sorry. We are back to our old ways--never being around. Then on Sunday daughter and I baked cookies for are new neighbors and went to go met them. Very nice people and daughter might get a babysitting job as well. Then daughter didn't want to go to dads--he is always sleeping she told me. Except for living under the same roof, we are back to our old problems.
Anita, I'm still reading up on your thread, but I think you are doing such a great job at DBing. I know everyone here has only so much time available, but I would be SO very grateful to get your particular perspective on my situation if you can find the time.
Well, it finally happened--my audio tapes of "Keeping Love Alive" which was recommended by Michelle. Since I'm on my second read of DB, and husband is more inclined to listen than read. Tonight is our d's science fair, so when we get home I will give him the tapes. Everylthing happens at once, then I finally received a call for a marrige counselor and booked three apts and cleared everything as far as insurance goes. the appt isn't until May--guess a lot of couples are having trouble! She wanted some background on us. I told her we have been d for three yrs and would like to reconile and she gave a huh......this is a new one. I asked her what she meant and she said that it was different--don't know what she means by that so we will wait and see! Hopefully, since the appt is in May ex will have time to listen to tapes and then we can talk about it.
Well, before I left for the science fair I called ex to find out where I should met him. While I had him on the phone and he was alone, I told him about the tapes and that I had booked three appts. with the MC. He seemed surprised or preplexed, just just said OH. When we got home from the fair, I follwed him because I had all the science stuff in my car. I had put the tapes in a plastic bad with the list of scheduled appts taped to the tape holder. When I give it to him he was like yeah okay and put them down on a chair. His mother called and they had an arguement. He hung up and was a little upset saying us women are driving him crazy and we are all so complex. I told him joking that was are complex but that is what makes women sexy"! I then went home to feel sorry for myself--hey I'm allowed self pity once in a while! At the science fair, this is really a social things for the parents. Most of us only see eachother once a year during the fair. I met up with a couple of the parents from last year and they have all lreally moved on with their lives where I am just in limbo. These parents were getting a d, or in the mist of having an affair. Now one just got engaged, one got d and is living with OM and expecting. One just got married and moved into a house. But after my self pity party I realized that this will just get me more motivation to make things work!
well, don't know what to make of this one, but the tapes that I gave him, with a piece of paper with our appts. on it well, when I went to pick up daughter Sat morning I found them, under the computer desk. I know I shouldnt snoop by while walking by his car, no tape in cassette player or tapes in the car that I could see. WE did however, have a nice time at our daughter's competetion on Sunday, he took his digital camera and kept leaning next to me showing me what he was taking. My family came to the competition as well and when it was over, my family joined us and of course, everyone hugged and kissed ex, like when we all were a family, his family treats me like I have a disease--I know add it to the issues I need to work on. They used to treat me like an outsider when I was married to their son, so why treat me any different now.
Do you think he feels like you are trying to control him by giving him those tapes? My H sometimes feels like that. Even if we talk about it and he is expecting it, once I give him the item we were talking about, he is suddenly surprised. I have found that if I ask him for his help understanding something about (the tapes, book, etc) he will (listen/read) and get back to me. It puts him in control of doing it when he wants to, and then helping out poor little me.
anitasues, just take it one day at a time. So what if the tapes are under the computer table. Dont get upset but you were wrong to look for them. Dont check up on him to see if he is doing what you want him to do. Just do things to make you a better person. I have not heard anymore about OM, I have prayed you let him go. The only way you can make your M work is it you try with all your heart. You made the comment that you are the one that does everything. What do you mean by this??? It sounds like to me that H is trying to be more involved with you and D. Baby steps, sometimes you have to look really hard to find them but it is obvious they are there in your situation. One thing you said puzzled me. You said that you want to get back with your XH because it was the right thing to do. (sorry if I butchered your words, thats just what I got out of it.) Its the right thing to do says who. Dont get me wrong I am a part of this message board to save marriages. I am a firm believer all marriages can be saved. It may just be me but I dont understand, Do you want you M back because you love your XH and dont want to live another minute w/o him? or because you are EXPECTED to be with him? I dont know if you have been spending time alone to figure out who you were. I did it and its a great way to rediscover who you are. You said that he was your first "boyfriend", this may of been a long time ago but you have to think back to when and why ya'll fell in love with each other. I read it when you said all your friends were doing it (getting married) but that is not a good enough reason. I dont believe that was your simple mind talking. IMO you have a lot of anger built up inside you about everything you went through over the last years. Girl let it go. Pick your battles. Practice Db'ing even in your sleep!!! I hope you dont take what I'm saying the wrong way. Im not trying to be ugly, just trying to let you know what I see!!! Putting in my two cents!! I wish you the best of luck!!! Halo
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
