WAS left, focusing on me, DB'ing like an amateur

[KdogGS]

Thanks Mimi, I did have a good day. I went to my second meetup event, this time I went and got my rear kicked in tennis. I haven't played in a long time, but it was nice being around others and not trapped in my head. I'll find out this week how adamant W is about divorcing me because she'll have time to meet with her attorney and start drafting orders. Could be an interesting week.

I hope things are well with you!

[KdogGS]

The more you chase the faster they run.
You're moving in the wrong direction. You need to make her feel like she is losing YOU.

It's really hard to make someone feel like they are losing you who wants to divorce you in the first place. I'd be open to suggestions on how to accomplish this without pursuing her.

I'm seriously contemplating just giving her the divorce she wants instead of delaying. If that's what it takes to "open the cage" maybe it's for the best.

Each day I'm by myself, it feels like she's gone already, so it wouldn't be too much different.

[KdogGS]

Well, I now know how quickly she wants to move forward. Her lawyer called my lawyer and wants the paperwork on dividing property started by next Wednesday. She also wants to keep our new car, and to keep our joint bank accounts. It's all about what she wants.

I'm really frustrated at this point. She should take back her piece of junk 2001 car that I'm driving and I should have the 2013 car that I bought when we got here and I'm making the payments on. She should have her own bank account and credit card. She wants to move out of her parents house and get housing and wants us to remain amicable.

Anyone think it's unreasonable to ask her to meet in person and discuss the division of accounts/assets rather than through our lawyers at $500/hour?

[sayitaintso]

What's up Kdog!?

Not surprised in the least to hear what your w is asking for and how quickly. Mine did the same.

Have you two discussed the separating of assets or property yet?

We did a few times and we also went to a mediator twice (on my dime) and never got anywhere. She was unreasonable (IMO)

So I made the decision to only work through my attorney. She was frustrated at first and it has costed me more money then I can believe or even afford.

But the amount of emotional pain it saved me was priceless.

If you feel you are in a place where you could make progress then its not unreasonable to meet and see if you can work something out.

But more often than not it doesn't work out too well.

[KdogGS]

So, at this point, I'd rather just rip off the bandaid since she has made her intent so clear. Let's get it done as soon as possible. We can divide the joint accounts on our own, and have it done in two weeks.

Why would she continue to want her check to go into our joint account? Also, she wants each to keep paying our own expenses on vehicles? Ridiculous, the car she has is in my name and I'm paying the loan.

If she wants to break away so quickly, let's let her see what that will mean for her financially. I'm not trying to be bitter, just she has unrealistic expectations of having her cake and eating it and having access to our credit (which is good because of my efforts) and access to our joint accounts. Time to cut the cord.

[KdogGS]

I realize how selfish I sound. I'm freaking out right now. I'm sorry.

I am going to call her and arrange an in person meeting to discuss the division of assets/financial responsibilities where hopefully we can come to an amicable agreement.

[hotwheelsaust]

KdogGS, sometimes it isn't selfish. For the last year I have been so guilt conscious of everything I have done. My wife had a complaint that I was selfish and spent too much money on me first. She was right, and I spent the next year spending as little as possible on me. Something clicked one day and I said to myself I will not be guilty over any of this. What is done, is done. I know now how wrong I was and I forgive myself for it. I have changed my ways around the selfish person I was.
So when it came time to start the splitting of assets a few months ago, he was my guilt playing big time. I don't want anything, I don't deserve anything, the wife isn't wanting as much as she should go for.
Anyway enough, this is her journey. So if she doesn't want to fight for the houses, the cars or the furniture, then great more for me. I am being fair, she instigated the lawyers to split the assets, I agreed to her original request of how the split should be, so what is there to feel guilty about?
So the end of this, is stop feeling selfish, you in a way have to be selfish. You have to protect you.

[KdogGS]

Wife took down all the facebook pictures and posts of me. It's over. I'm done fighting, I just give up. I'll divide everything up and let her go, it's what she wants.

Tough night.

[planet]

Don't be too upset over this.

My W blocked me from FB as well as her OM. What is his business, nobody will know. My emotions were all over the place when I learned of their actions.

You will learn to accept it as I did. Let it go.

[Mimi00]

Sorry things are seemingly not well.
Continue to show her a PMA through it all and handle each step with class and dignity. Also find a balance and be sure protect your self when needed. Pray and ask God for guidance along the way w/ the decisions you have to make.
Having everything divided may help to bring peace of mind your way....it's hard I know, but looks at the positives and let go of the negative.

Truth is, you do need to be the focus of your life right now in order to get to where you need to be. Everything you are going through is preparing you for "your moment", but only if you learn your lesson(s). Keep the faith even in the hard parts; your future will be much greater than your past; no matter what happens in the next few weeks.