My idea for the anniversary is to get her a nice non-romantic gift. There's a pair of boots she's wanted for over a year. For me to notice that she wants them and spend the money to get them would be a very big 180 for me. I figure we're probably not at a place to do the normal anniversary thing and have a nice romantic stay somewhere.
Thoughts? Boots? Just ignore it?
I think this is fine. Doing a 180 and keeping it non-romantic.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
@AS - the whole joke about the dating happened AFTER W said she wanted to try. W also found out about the women after after the R talk.
Again, it was not a wise choice to crack that joke, and it won't happen again. I think I was still in a bit of shock over the whole thing and maybe a bit giddy. I really didn't think W would react at all, let alone that strongly. Maybe it's the EA - where people that have crossed the line into any type of affair perhaps fear it more strongly in themselves?
Regardless, now is definitely not the time for games, and certainly not the time to cause any more fear or instability when we already have plenty of that!
So a lot has happened since I last posted Friday at 3:05pm.
I got invited to a haunted house and found out one of the girls who liked me was going so I decided to play it safe and not go.
W invited me over, and I decided since we had played it cool and not seen each other all week that I would go. We had pizza and donuts (healthy!). S5 would not move from my lap the entire time I was there, and D10 laid up against my side almost the entire time. W flirted, winked, smiled, snuck and held my hand. When the kids weren't looking, she kissed me several times. I was wrestling with S5 and chased him into W's bedroom, and he grabbed and we fell on her bed, and I was "dead". He ran off giggling. I laid there, and W came up and lay down with me, and pulled my arm around her.
One interesting thing that should have been a foreshadowing to what you'll read below: I leaned over W to grab something, and sat down, and S5 was watching and said, "Did you just kiss Mommy?" I said, "No, silly". He said, "Oh yeah, because EA does that now." W just said, "Don't be gross, S5". I was like punched in the stomach because she has insisted there was nothing between them. I know an almost 6-year-old isn't the most reliable source, but he wouldn't just make that up. She pleaded with me to stay because I was going to leave, and I finally did believe her.
Fast forward to Saturday night - she is STILL complaining about these women that like me. I finally was like, "I don't even know what you're complaining about - I literally had one conversation with each, with a group, in a loud bar. I will never touch another woman while I'm married to you." I told her I was sorry she was so angry, but it was unfair to keep at it when I had done nothing to make her suspect anything.
So Sunday morning, I texted her early to see if she was up. She was still upset, but I joked around a little, and she seemed to calm down. She told me they were leaving in a little while to try out a new church. I grabbed my kids and was going to run over and surprise them and see if they wanted to grab McDonalds for breakfast. I left the car running and the kids in it, and just ran up. W opened the door a tiny crack, said, "BYE" to me, and slammed the door in my face. I was sorta surprised, because she had said they were leaving, but she obviously wasn't dressed. I thought she was just play-fighting, so I said, "Come on, nerd, let me in, I have the kids waiting and the car running." I could see her standing there through the window, and she opened the door again. She held up the phone and said, "I have company, and if you don't leave, I'm calling the police. I have a restraining order." I just stood there in absolute shock. I didn't actually leave that second because my brain still was thinking it was a big joke, and she actually dialed some number and started talking. I did finally start to walk away and boom, it all made sense. Here came the EA walking around from the back of the house, wearing pajamas and smoking a cigarette. Apparently, he had snuck out back when I knocked. He just said, "Hey, man, I don't think she really feels like talking right now." I looked at him and said, "Apparently not", and left.
All of the potential anger and disgust and such was instantly swept out of me on seeing OM. He is about 3" shorter than me, about 70 pounds heavier with a big beer belly, looks like Santa Claus except with black hair. I sorta wanted to sit on his lap, and ask for a pony! I texted W, and said, "Oops, spectacular bad timing on my part; I'm sure you didn't want me to find out this way." She just texted back, and said, "Nothing's going on, he's just coming to pick up my car to fix it for me." I literally laughed out loud.
Ah, well, as the old saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you".
"Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you".
Doesn't that go the other way around?
Very odd that your w would do that and think she wouldn't get caught. Reminds me of that Shaggy song "It wasn't me". She is one confused woman. She is clearly upset with potential other women in your life but can't keep herself from another man.
My assessment
1.your w still has strong feelings for you 2. Your w has no self control and needs serious psychological help 3. You (Jon) still need to work on you.
So take a step back for a day or two... I am curios what others will advise.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Time to go dim or dark and give her space, not only for her, but for you.
Sorry you had that experience. Time to focus on you and your kids.
Please post if you get anxious
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Jon Jon Jon. I won't get our my 2x4 since you got hit with a telephone pole. What the kid said and your Sunday sitch should be enough motivation for you to stay the efff way.
You really do need to take a step back and assess where you are at. The finding the new church was obviously a lie to keep your suspicions down when she didn't show up at your church.
She is lying to you big time. Her actions with the OM are now affecting the children and confusing them.
Is a person capable of all of this someone you want to be with?
They say don't react to emotion and think things through. I'd spend the next few days assessing where you are. Frankly if it were me, I would strongly consider signing the disillusion. Just my two cents.
But for Pete's sake, do not play house with her anymore. It backfires on you every time.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
I texted W, and said, "Oops, spectacular bad timing on my part; I'm sure you didn't want me to find out this way." She just texted back, and said, "Nothing's going on, he's just coming to pick up my car to fix it for me." I literally laughed out loud.