One giant leap forward! - Part 8

[T1000]

Hit some traffic so it was too late to drop kids off with her parents. I took them to hers. We spoke on the kitchen for 30 mins.

Main points:
- She feels at a cross roads where she could either get on with her life and start again or rebuild ours.
- Feels that the last 12 months or so she has blocked out me and the end of the marriage and not dealt with it and only now she really feels it.
- Having the kids on weekends and on vacation it has hit her how much I am missing out of the kids lives and how much she wants to share them times with me and as a family.
- Misses me.
- The marriage councillor told her what she needed to hear at the time (she was right to leave) and felt vindicated.
- Says that this time it's different. I said whats different now than August, May, February and last October. All them other times she didn't want it like she wants it now. She never had it in her to follow through like she does now.
- I said that after OM1 even though it was very difficult for me to get past I managed to get through it and i was willing to put up with whatever trouble that may give me. This time we were working our M and you spat me into the dirt and stamped on me by not communicating any of our issues, getting with OM2 and did it very publicly on FB for any friends and family to see it. Some friends and family that knew we were working on M and seeing MC. She apologised very convincingly and said she is really sorry for hurting me.
- She thought about not telling me and just trying to move on with her own life. She was expecting me to tell her where to go when she sent the text on Friday.
- I don't trust her.
-She said she knows she has a long way to go and a lot to prove to make it up to me.
- She says that the not knowing and the situation is making her ill, I can believe that, she does tend to get rundown when stressed. I said I know this sounds a bit harsh but you being ill isn't going to change anything right now. She said she understands, it plays on her mind all the time and has done for weeks. i said that's because you're in limbo and there nothing you can do about it. I've been there and it's not a nice place.
- I said I don't have an answer that she is looking for. She wants to know either way whether it's a never or a maybe. I said it's not never but I don't know if it's something I can do now. I will think about it. She said OK.
- At one point she was saying about how much she loves her life right now. When she paused (thought she had finished) I said that I really like my life right now too, I'm the happiest I have been in a long time. She then said she is happy except for me not being with them.


10 mins after I left she sent me this:

W: I'm so scared to put you in the situation again. I'm actually terrified because I really don't want to hurt you. After you telling me how happy you now are I don't know if the honest thing is for me not to be a selfish bitch and let you move on. I am so afraid of hurting you if it doesn't work out.

A few hours later i sent:
Me: I prefer that the option was offered to me, like you have done. Either way, the decision for myself is still mine and one I have to live with.

No doubt there is plenty I have missed. I forget how hard these things are to write out hours later.


So there we go, just another bi-monthly Sunday head f*^k with a sprinkle of hope and a dash of can I be bothered to ride this storm again.