I'm not really sure where H is at this point. It is obvious that he is really depressed. He says he had chosen a direction to stay overseas and try to build a R with OW because he felt there was nothing left here. He told me that now that he sees the door is still open, that he is very confused.
He says I am the only thing here in the US that makes him want to come back. He says "the whole world" knows what he has done and he realizes it is his own fault, but he doesn't see how he can ever face his employees, his friends and his family again.
He said he thought about getting on a train and going to the Himalayas to find a monastery where he could spend about a month figuring what direction he wants to take in his life. Or go visit his best buddy for a while to just get away. I just asked that if he decided to take a trip somewhere, please let me know he was going so I wouldn't worry that something awful had happened to him.
He says he is not happy here in US and is not happy over there and he needs to find some happiness in his life. He said he had made commitments over there (business) and didn't know how to deal with that if he came home.
He asked for time to work things out in his mind, which I readily agreed to give him. He then said he felt guilty for asking me to wait.
I can see the pain in his eyes. It is obvious that he is very depressed and it's so difficult to know that there is nothing I can do to help him .... that he has to work through it on his own.
As for reconnecting with family and friends, he has opened up some to his brother. But, my MIL keeps sending messages to him pestering him with questions about us and he said he just does not want to deal with his parents. He says he has no friends left here - a couple of our very close friends know about some of our sitch and he doesn't want to contact them (although he expressed disappointment that they have not contacted him to offer support).
It looks as though his self-esteem is very low.
We have been best friends for many years and until the past couple of years, he has always turned to me when he needed help of any sort. I think he is doing that now. The problem now is that I don't feel like I can give him advice and I've told him that .... that I cannot be objective about some of the issues he faces. He said he understood and realized that there were issues he would have to work out.
He gave me several hugs while he was here and they were so long and so tight, I felt like he was trying to tap into my strength or was afraid to let go.
As far as the OW is concerned, I am positive that won't last long. He hates drama, arguing, etc. and apparently, she dishes out a lot of that. It will end quickly.
He told me numerous times over the past few days that he couldn't imagine a life without me in it. I just don't know if he means as a business partner, a best friend or a wife. I'm not sure he knows either.
A couple of interesting things he has done since leaving. He texted me from his lay-over in Europe at 3am ... he's never done that. And he changed his picture (from a "brooding and thoughtful" one to a "happy" one) on his international texting app and changed his tag line from something about the measure of a man is what he does for those who can do nothing for him to "Patience ... it will get better."
Sorry this was so long.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
