DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[labug]

The rest of the story really doesn't matter. Unless there's abuse, addiction or mental illness involved, all the situations have the nearly same components: Spouse1 at some point checks out of the marriage, can be for a variety of reasons, Spouse2 carries on for a while then finally is emotionally done, Spouse1 immediately wants to fix "it", Spouse2 says, No, it's too late, you won't change, I'm done.

The mistake most of us make early on is not realizing there is no fixing "it", there is only fixing you. Continuing to want to fix "it" gives the impression that you don't understand what your wife is saying.

She's done, you need to let her be done. Your last 2 sentences above are getting closer to a starting point.

Just a tip, spend time with your kids, but do it because that's what you want to do and because you know that it's important for them. Don't do it to score points with W. She's probably going to think "Oh, so now he has time to spend with the kids, where's he been for the last x number of years?" especially if you go to spending "all" of your time with the kids.

Good luck.