Questions on the 37 rules and other advice...

[S4tk]

I have been processing three questions that I would like DB opinions about:

1) Some of W's main reasons for loss of love and desiring S have been the control, manipulation, stealing her voice, as she puts it. Again, these are words that she used for the first time in 11 years. But I am trying to see the validity in them. I think working on listening skills, and giving up control, not initiating R talks, being willing to "be happy instead of being right" - all of these are 180's I am beginning to make. But another longer-term issue has been the lack of E connection, and lack of physical affection outside of ML. These are indeed issues that have been weak points on my part. At the moment, W has disallowed any form of touching at all. So, my question for fellow DBers is, "How can I 180 on emotional connection and physical affection in this context?

2) Also, since the lack of emotional connection has been an issue, should this then make me think twice about the idea of going dark?

3) I see that this IA she is having with other fantasy husbands, or with some kind of ideal future, is a strong pull. I see she is confused. I also see that at the moment, she is in a kind of dreamland as she preps her resume, sloooooowly applies for jobs, etc. Since we need to leave our temporary housing soon (we just moved back to this area and are renting from family) she has asked a few times, "What are we going to to?" referring to our living situation. One time, I replied that my desire is we move as a family to another place. However, I feel that in many ways our living together is enabling her to not deal with the crisis on her end. For example, at least half of the mornings she sleeps until late into the morning while I am up with the kids - getting them fed and ready, getting myself ready, preparing for the day. I have some flexibility in my work schedule, so it isn't a big deal. But I believe the reality of S would quickly show her some reality. We have been basically S under the same roof for 3 months now. I think the lack of a real PA or EA is making me handle this cautiously - if those existed I might have drawn a "choose the affair or this family" kind of boundary by now. I would like advice in this. Should I continue to endure the current setup which is basically a full-blown S except for the fact we live together? DoI keep holding steady in this, knowing my faults contributed to her current position?