I was invited out last night with a few girls who are seperated from their husbands. They were dressing up for Halloween and heading out to dance. I decided to go at the last minute. I did not wear my rings for the first time (felt so weird).
I did not drink and just had fun dancing with the girls. It was nice to hear that guys think that I am attractive though I nicely turned down their request s to dance and just hung out with the girls. I had a fun night and was so proud of myself for having the courage to do something that I normally would not gave done.
Yet I wound up sobbing the entire way home. My H had always begged me to do stuff like this ... to get dressed up and head out for a few hours. I always said no. Why? Why couldn't I have said yes? I would have had a great time with H and maybe out M wouldn't be over. I was just so mad at myself for being so stubborn all these years. A good lesson I needed to leave in my journey towards self improvement.
I also learned that I am not interested in other guys at all. It made me miss H even more. I know I will not be heading to bars ever in search of a new husband.
H asked if I was going out and I told him I was. His tone immediately changed and he asked who I was going with. I could tell that I bothered him which I guess is somewhat night since he previously felt nothing at all about me. It is funny to see his reaction given what he has gone the past year. I did not really want to tell him (but did not want to lie when he asked me directly) because he was also going out and I did not want him to do something with another girl out of jealousy. But it was good for him too see that I am Gal.
