Second MLC?? Is that possible?

[LoisB]

2T2M,

I only recognize it because I've done it soooooo many times myself!!!!!

I know how badly you want him to come home and try. I get it. I truly do. And, it hurts.

I'm not sure, however, you doing or not doing something right now will make much of a difference.

To borrow a phrase from Al-Anon and page 78 of Coda No More by Melody Beattie:

You didn't cause it (MLC); you can't control it; and you can't cure it.

So stop trying! We become utterly frustrated when we try to do the impossible. And we usually prevent the possible from happening. I believe that clutching tightly to a person or thing or forcing my will on any given situation eliminates the possibility of my Higher Power doing anything constructive about that situation, the person or me. My controlling blocks God's power. It blocks other people's ability to grow. It stops events from happening naturally. It prevents me from enjoying people or events.

I'm not sure that even he knows why he says the things he does.

Instead of thinking about why he is doing or saying something, think about why it's so hard for you to let him handle this situation himself. Controlling him is an illusion right now (according to Beattie). You can't control him no matter how wonderful you manage the employees.

In fact, chances are that he will find a way to blame NO MATTER what you do, think, say or feel. He may even use your very best self as a terrible excuse for his poor self.

Yesterday, I was thinking about my worst fear...losing my H forever. Then, I asked why is that my worst fear? What does that mean to me?

What will happen if he decides he doesn't want to return. What does that mean to you?

Much Love,

Heather