hi cindy, I hope you are right. Being with OM, I was introduced to the wonderful world of toys. I know ex would not go for that, I've tried that road when we were married. Maybe the counselor can give us ideas. But ex is and was raised very, very old world, old fashioned. I need alot of physical attention which I know I may have to compromise. But I find myself going through my mind all the things I want to change about him, the house. I never used to do this before, I don't know why I am like this now, maybe that is why I had so much too drank at the super bowl party.
oh my God--I just checked in on elwood--I AM THE FEMALE ELWOOD--we are like exactly the same!!! someone please make for minds up for us!!! should we get back together because we have a child together? on that, I will go now, thank God I am going to dinner with a friend tonight!
Welcome to my world. It is not an enviable place to be. My LF like your OM wants us to be together. My ex called me this morning. Her store was robbed yesterday of $1300. She called for morale support and I wasn't there for her. Your right, I wish someone could make up our minds for us. I can speak from hindsight. I wish now I would not have got LF involved. I know you care for both and that is a tough spot to be in. If I could turn the clock back one month and know then what I know now, I would concentrate fully on ex.
phoenix: There is something that keeps staying with me. When D went up for her shower, ex started by saying that he can see in D's eyes that she doesn't want me to leave when I am here. He said that since she is only 12yr old and not 18, that we should work all this out. Like if she was going to be 18 this summer, we would not be having this conversation. I found that weird. We both co-parent wonderfully--only thing we do right! He said that he loves me but because our D needs me,
Anita, did you expect him to come out and say I want you back, he is using the D as a pretext for wanting you back.
is that why we are going to conunseling?
You are going to couseling because he has no idea how to heal this relationship.
I have made myself a goal: to clear the air #1 reason to start off with. Even if we don't get back together, at least we will get things off our chests. I tried on my wedding rings this weekend--they don't fit
Clear it later, repair first.
Also, keep in my, you are the one who left and had an affair, it will take years for him to forgive you.
Quote: THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! Still scared. Tried to find a counselor that would take his insurance. Saw ex sat to pick up D and told hm I am working on getting someone and asked if he would prefer male or female, he told me it didn't matter so I told him I would look for a man.
Companies shop for price, not talent, if you can not find a SBT couselor, you are wasting your time, and possibly setting yourselves up for failure. I experience that pesonally, all we did was complain about each other. Just made it worse.
Better to spend money and time to find a SBT couselor, and make fewer trips, than months with a person who can't help you.
I learn a lot from listening to the M/V series and WHAT WOMEM WANT MEM TO KNOW. Buy them at HALF.COM and listen together. They would probably more productive than couseling anyway, since the job of the couselor is to get you two talking.
this is so weird, I just got done reading the DB book! D overheard the "I want to go to conseling talk" she is upset, doe not want us to get back together.
All your D can remember is the pain you cause her and her dad, when you entered the tummel.
TOYS Actually toys help us, because I was able to ML longer since the thing does not go soft, she could ride the wave a longgggg time.
Quote: THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! Still scared. Tried to find a counselor that would take his insurance. Saw ex sat to pick up D and told hm I am working on getting someone and asked if he would prefer male or female, he told me it didn't matter so I told him I would look for a man.
Companies shop for price, not talent, if you can not find a SBT couselor, you are wasting your time, and possibly setting yourselves up for failure. I experience that pesonally, all we did was complain about each other. Just made it worse.
Better to spend money and time to find a SBT couselor, and make fewer trips, than months with a person who can't help you.
I learn a lot from listening to the M/V series and WHAT WOMEM WANT MEM TO KNOW. Buy them at HALF.COM and listen together. They would probably more productive than couseling anyway, since the job of the couselor is to get you two talking.
this is so weird, I just got done reading the DB book! D overheard the "I want to go to conseling talk" she is upset, doe not want us to get back together.
All your D can remember is the pain you cause her and her dad, when you entered the tummel.
TOYS Actually toys help us, because I was able to ML longer since the thing does not go soft, she could ride the wave a longgggg time.
Niece144 wants to know what herbs the OM was taking??
what is a SBT counselor??? I am thinking about giving him my copy of DB, see if he takes it. He was never a reader, but maybe he would did it since we have been to 3 counselors and a priest and we did not have success with anyone. I know it's going to take him a long time to forgive me, told me the other day that he wants to put the past aside and move on, daughter needs a family. I amy saving the sex toy conversation for a counseling session. I have tried massage oil and he would say that oil is supposed to be on salads and look at the mess your making on the bedsheets, tried strawberries/whip cream, again stop making a mess, clean yourself up. So that part will definately take time. I want to clear the air before we go any further into trying to repair this relationship because we left soooo many things unsaid. I appreciate your advice and the tape tip.
Solution Based Therapy - you'll need to search the main page for background but basically therapists fall into 2 categories 1 - traditional or Freudian - they think everything we do is based on incidents in our childhood - they delve into our dark past to figure out why we do what we do - the problem is that it takes a LONG time and when your marriage is in trouble you usually dont have a lot of time.
2- solution based therapy - a relatively new therapy theory (a couple of early 20th century adopters but most didnt start until late 80's early 90's) - they focus on what do you want now, what can you do to affect that change, and what can you do to measure it. The benefit of this is relatively quick results in even the worst situations.
Go to the main page and read the FAQ
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
thanks bill and I will have to check out your thread.a friend of mine became preg. with OM child as well. Well, still looking for a counselor. My D invited me for dinner on Sun and I told her that she shouldn't be asking me, it's her father's house let him do it. He asked me but I had to turn it down. The neighbor next door is moving and needed to be out by Monday and she offered me her air conditioner which cools the entire apartment, I was so thrilled since I was thinking this summer I would have to wing it--my expenses are still tight. I had my brother in law and dad move it from her apt to mine. The ex was surprized that brother in law was helping me and the I did not need him. My neighbor said that she would be in and out and that I could come into her apartment anytime, the door will not be locked. So I went over and we were supposed to have the same type of apartment--boy was her place ugly! yellow counter tops with a yellow refrg and stove. I felt so blessed that my aprartment had a brand new counter top with oak cabinets (I love oak) my brother in law loved the place and when they left, I looked around and I was like yeah, I did this on my own--no ex, maybe I need more time for me, all these questions are now going through my head. I keep projecting what my future , still think about OM lately. I made a list between the two of them and I know that it's wrong. Ex wants a guarntee that all this mess will not happend again. I can't guarnatee anything.
Anita Its amazing how we fill once we realize we can make it on our own. Making a list is not a bad thing, if it helps. I have taken a step back from X and lf. I still talk to both of them, mostly by phone. There are no guarantees. None with you and X, and none with OM. Just hang in there and do whats best for Anita.
