"the person crushed under the weight of self-doubt and negativity, and crippled with social anxiety and insecurity."
PW, wow well worded as I look back now I can see alot of this in myself.....My self worth was severely lacking as I could not land a job for sometime.....It dragged me down so low I couldn't find my way back.....
Yeah, 2old - looking for, and not finding, work can be soul-crushing. For me it was gaining a lot of weight, and having a job in a place that I hated. The worst part was how clueless I was about the state I was in. Now I've lost most of the weight (and still losing), and feel healthier and energetic and confident. I still don't much care for my job, but I approach it much differently now. I go in with my head held high and a smile on my face. I'm friendly and approachable, and that has made a world of difference.
Wow - H just called again! Four times in one week? WTH?
He invited us to come in for dinner tomorrow night - he's not working in the kitchen, so he can sit down with us. He also wants to have breakfast with us Monday morning, and get together again Tuesday afternoon/evening. His final words were, "I love you both." Umm...who was this person? Because he sounded a lot like the H of old. I swear, I'm getting whiplash!
I can relate so much to your posts from yesterday about the social anxiety, negativity, not liking the job and gaining weight etc....other than the weight gain...I soooo didnt see my self at the time either.
If you decide to take your H up on his recent invites, I hope all goes well! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Thanks, Mimi! I have a busy day of house cleaning scheduled today (ugh!), but hope to finish fairly soon so that we can get out and enjoy the afternoon. It's absolutely gorgeous here today!
Will be taking H up on the dinner invite tonight, and I'll have this checklist in my head:
Eat dessert first! Play, and then if you have time, clean.
That was a baby step for toward the new me in my life as I lived by the rule All fun must be paid for in advance. I missed a lot, especially with my kids by believing that.
Nothing bad will happen as a result, I guarantee it!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So, S and I had dinner with H last night. It went really well. I stuck to all my guidelines, and just relaxed. We laughed a lot, and had a really good time - even a little light flirting from H. He invited us to meet him for breakfast again, so I took him up on that, too - I could tell S really wanted that. That went great, as well. Got a couple of big, squishy hugs, which is always nice. I won't be surprised if he withdraws again, but this felt like a couple of baby steps forward.
bug, I decided to compromise. Did half of the housework while S had a bit of a sleep in, and doing the rest today while he has school. We went out yesterday, and enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine!
Quote:
What will you say if things start moving to R stuff?
Honestly, I really haven't thought that far ahead. It seems like that is still pretty far in the future. Do you have any suggestions?
PW - I know exactly how you feel about this being a liberating experience. For the past year, I have been solely focused on the things that H has been doing. For so long, I felt so out of control and that I had no say in what was happening in my life. It was not until he left that I was about to take a step back and look at myself.
I can tell from reading your posts that you are in a better place and much more confident. I am glad that you had a great time with H at dinner. Enjoy the baby steps!
