Every positive change that I have made in the last 6 months was thrown up in my face as some sort of thing I was doing to get at her. I also set the boundary that if she must talk to OM it cannot be in our house because that is disrespectful.
So frustrating. I have tried so hard to be better for myself and my children and try to protect them from all of this.
If you ever wondered what this is about, this is a huge clue and it's not you. My ex was similar like that. Reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe's 'Telltale heart'. She once accused me of stomping around the kitchen to get her attention. LOL.
Basically, FY is right on. Keeping things in perspective, you must do the things you need to do for YOU. It's on her to accept those changes and figure herself out. She's mad because you are doing so well and she feels like hammered horsesh*t. She notices. You are a bright light. And her world is dark and dreary and depressed.
Her anger may be directed at you, but it's not about you. She knows what she is doing is wrong. She is looking for a reason to explain it and you're not giving it to her. Watch that. They have a way of making stuff up, so don't give her a reason or even a partial reason she can use to jump to a conclusion. It's a time thing. The longer you do you so well, the more she has to look at herself. And that's a good thing.
I suggest you follow FY's advice and accept her as she is, even now. Don't give in on your boundaries, but be careful how you choose them - be sure you're willing to "die on that hill" to protect the boundary you set before you communicate it.
And she will continue to watch. I know mine did to the point she couldn't take it any longer and left (twice, but that's a different story for another time.) I know it still bothers her even now, years later as she continues to process her actions. Her issue then, and her issue now.
My IC once told me something interesting. She said I'd be long done and gone before my ex would be done. I may never know when she was finally "done". But from what I've seen, my IC was spot on the whole time. It just took me time to get my perspective back after the BD.
Last night's blowup? That was yesterday. It's her issue, and you caught her at it. She's not happy about being caught and she'll fight it and blame etc. Is what it is, but it's not about you.
One way or another, it all works out and you'll be glad for the changes you make for you. You'll be glad you tried to make things work and were the man you are now. Give her the safety, time and space to figure herself out. And live your life the way you want to live it - time is something you can't get back.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
