Questions without answers...I'm tired of asking.

[albamarie]

Hi, I'm not doing too much of anything right now I guess that might be a good thing. I've put a lot of my concentration on my kids and have been spending time getting to know them as adults, with their own lives, and especially with the baby.

It does help that the weather is colder and I can focus on the holidays a little. I am a homebody and I do enjoy decorating the house with all the fall colors and creating a warm atmosphere. Summers a little harder on me, summers about getting up and getting out and when you have now where to get out to, it hurts a little more.

H and I have had a long talk and he basically asked me what will it take for me to be happy and for him to continue what he has to do, be unaccountable. Without hesitation and from my heart I looked in his eyes and, said I need you to move out.

Financially we both know that causes problems, but I spent the day reevaluating our assets, our income and where money spent can be tweaked. I was able to come up with a second conversation and present to him my financial findings. It made so much sense to him that I believe it scared him, the only response I got was, I will put it in my mind.

He says when he's home the guilt he feels is so overwhelming it's easy for him to say, I will return I will come back to the family and I will focus on our lives ahead.

Once the rebellion, and the anger, and the depression comes over him he says the feeling is overwhelming to be in the street, at the bar, and listening to the sh!t that comes out of EA's mouth.

At that point I told him to stop, the conversation was over, I no longer want to discuss any of that as that is not my business nor my concern. He was very taken aback by that, and expressed his admiration for my strength.

We have fallen into our rolls of who we are to each other and to our children without worrying about the roles of being a couple. I guess it has taken off some tension from him at least to not have to meet my needs, and I have to admit it has done me better as well.

There are realistic obligations we have to meet, and we seem to do those well and get along while doing them. There is a calm this seems to suit me at this stage. It's lonely, but I'm not alone. The frustration still does arise when he doesn't come home on time, I can't see that going away, I'm still his W, and human!