DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[Mach1]

DTM,

This is probably gonna anger you, and the words are gonna sting a bit for you. They are intended to help, rather than to hurt.

What I have found, is that the words that sting are the ones we really need to look at within ourselves. What stings us the most, stings because they are usually too close to home for us. And, well...the truth hurts sometimes. Especially when it comes from such an unlikely source.

Actually, moving To FL Was Her Idea, It Took Me Three Years To Make It happen...Busting My Butt Stressed Out And Unhappy With My Job Because They Were Holding Me From TRansferring. The Business In Her Own Words Was Something She Was Always Willing To Give Up And Move....The PrOblem Was While I Was WOrking 80+ Hrs A Week She Replaced Me. Everything I've Ever Done Was For Her Or My Family..I'm Last On The Iist...

You have done well with this. My only problem is....

That YOU have done this, wanted this, made this happen FOR HER...

You have allowed this, you were cheated out of that, they made YOU wait. Didn't they know who you were ? Making you wait ???

Do you realize how totally arrogant that sounds?

I'm not sure that is how you want to come across here, or if this is how you come across to your wife. I can tell you however, that is not the least bit attractive to a Woman.

Now, you can take a look into your words, or you can ride your high horse all the way to the courthouse. Your choice....

After leaving her "alone" for 80 hours a week, I am not surprised that she sought to have her emotional needs met elsewhere after time.

What were you like when you WERE there ??

I would also say, that while YOU may see things different (and you can say all you want about bringing home the paycheck, blah,blah,blah ), that you left this marriage way before she did.

Me thinks, that you understand very little about the inner workings of a Woman....

So Speak For Yourself "Buddy". Not All Men Are Created Equal...

You are correct, they are not created equally. And given the choice between a person that CHOOSES to listen more than he speaks, listens without defending, and speaking without offending, and a Man that resembles that of a pompous asshat ??

I'm pretty sure which one I would choose.

I've Always Loved My Wife, I Can't Control Her Feelings For Another Woman, All I Can Do Is Be The Best Husband And Father I CaN..

You are correct, you cannot control her feelings.

Yet once again, you are still trying to. Even in the above statement you are still trying to control her.

She has stated that she doesn't want you as her husband right now. Yet you are still trying to fulfill that role.

How about trying to be the best Father you can be, and being the best friend for her ?? You can love her from a distance for now.

What are her wants, needs, desires for the future ?

What does retirement look like for HER ??

How does she like her eggs cooked ? Toast ? Steak ???

What does her perfect day look like ???

What brand purse does she desire ???

My New Position Gives Me ThIs Opportunity...Time To Be Around For A Change.

As long as you can do this, without the expectation that anything will change because of that.

Being 'around' means more than just physical proximity.

You have been MIA for quite some time now. So ask yourself "why now?" And be totally honest with your answers....

Is it really the quest to be around because you want to ?

Is it guilt ?

Is it fear ???

Why NOW ??

Thanks For Your Insight And No Worries On The Perception Of The Comment Being Rude...I've Always Appreciated ThE Hard Work My Wife Did...Pay Or No PAy.

Before the bomb, when was the last time you thanked her for her hard work, without bringing up the fact that you worked harder, or made more money, or had longer hours, or didn't get enough attention ??? Just made it about HER hard work ???

Sorry For The Spelling...Its The Phone!

It's not the spelling, it's the words.


DTM,
I suspect that you will either not reply to this, or just not post anymore here, or you will fire back with excuses and anger about how I know nothing about you or your marriage, and I am a total idiot. I'm okay with that BTW.

I will however, ask you to please take a look at the things that sting a bit, and ask yourself why they sting. Are you angry with the posters here ? Or more at yourself ?

It takes a lot of work, to be self reflective, and self aware enough to accept the things that other people notice about you. The way that you come across here, is that of a defensive, self-absorbed Man.

A Man that keeps score at every possibility. Who did what to whom, and who is more deserving of love.

Is that the way that you want to portray yourself ?