Ouch, that's some tough stuff you're dealing with there, Mr J. I'm so sorry.

W see's your changes, and that's good. Saying it's too little too late, or that you're only doing it to spite her etc, is standard script. She feels bad about her life right now, and has to blame it all on you. You have to try to understand this from her shoes.

Keep in mind you weren't the perfect H either, and keep working on yourself.

Only time will convince her that your changes are real, and for you. Stay on course regarding your changes. Showing is better than telling. She'll be watching.

Show her that you accept and love her for who she is, even now. Don't try to change her. Hold to your boundaries, as this protects you and actually makes you more attractive. May the DB gods be with you sir!

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl