well, daughter came home to find the family dog dead. ex and I just had a discussion about putting the dog too sleep. There was a huge storm and there was a problem with one of the ex's tenents-toilet problem I think. So I knew he had been up all night with the dog, so it wasn't my day but I told him that he had alot of work ahead of him and I would take daughter to dance, just come home. Well, ex didn't know about the dog and I didn't want the dog just lying there and have the ex come home to that mess, so since daughter was at in-laws I went to the house and "clean up" lets just say it wasn't what I expected, I never knew how strong I was and its done. Went back to the in-laws to pick up daughter and ex's car was in the driveway, he got done plowing early. I opened the door and totally lost it. We all hugged and cried. It was a nice family moment. He kept telling me that I didn't have to do that, but I told him didn't want him to have to deal with it. He invited me home with him for pizza, though we really didn't eat. Daughter went up to take shower, while in the shower, I was getting my coat ready to leave when he told me that we needed to talk, that he was willing to work things out, the divorce was stupid, for daughter's sake he wants to work it out and that he still loves me and has no time to date and lets work it out. Well, I was leaping inside and said very little on the outside--didn't want to say anything stupid. I told him okay, I will go to however he wants and told him that we shouldn't make promises, not tell anyone and go to counseling, if we don't get back together, at least we will learn to communicate to eachother. I went home and now I'm like okay is this what I want? I'm getting what I want and now I'm not sure. I always had to pretend alot when I was with ex and with the OM, I didn't I was free to be me. I go home and there is a message from OM on the phone. He loves me, has been sober for 2 weeks, getting better all the time wants to prove things to me. Now I find myself comparing the two guys. Right now I feel no physical attraction for my ex, he just doesn't do it for me in that departmentbut I still love him, he is the father of my child, practing Catholic, doesn't smoke or drink, hard worker--
Quote: Now I find myself comparing the two guys. Right now I feel no physical attraction for my ex, he just doesn't do it for me in that departmentbut I still love him, he is the father of my child, practing Catholic, doesn't smoke or drink, hard worker--
I have followed your thread before. Now that your H is moving back to you, Satan is rearing its ugly head again. Stop the comparison. You need to pray like you never prayed before. You need to work on no contact with OM and all his empty promises. It is the only way your M will have a chance. Satan has got you to doubt what it is you wanted when you first came to the BB. Were'nt you the one who said "it takes a village to raise a child, but the WAW throws the whole village out." Please read what you have posted in the very beginning so you will remember your goals. Please do not blow it this time. You really need to have no contact, phone, email, in person with OM. As far as no physical attraction to your H, you are letting lust for OM live in your mind again.
Keep focusing on what you set out to do and don't be scared. Just go slowly and be tender to your H. OK...
I would try and work it out with your Ex. Think it's the best for all concerned. I think OM is mostly just promises.
Think if you opted for him, you would be very sorry in the long-run.
I don't think your Ex wants a marriage like your old one either. If both of you try, I think you can have a much better and stronger marriage.
I think the sexual attraction will come, after you've worked the other things out.
What can you lose from trying your hardest. Either things will work out and you will all be very happy, or you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you gave it your all.
Either way, it will teach your D a valuable lesson.
Not all Exs would give you another try, after you cheated.
Think you are lucky and should give it another try.
Just my opinion...
I'm really sorry about the dog. That must have been very hard!
I remember when I put my cat to sleep (10 years ago) and I wailed and sobbed so loudly people in the waiting room could hear me.
I think you were incredibly brave for facing that by yourself.
As for the sexual attraction. I agree with Rayanne...it'll come...give it time.
And right before my husband moved back home, I was terrified too...but I can tell you 3 months later...we are moving forward and I'm sooo glad I faced that fear!
So sorry about your loss. However you knew it was coming. Now this tragedy has given H an opening!!! You darn well better take the chance girl and run with it!!! You will absolutly regret it forever if you don't. You will have so much fun teaching him what you need in the physical area. It's will be mind blowing and great. He will be in for a treat and you too. Course your scared girl!! Chill out, don't say anything be shy and let your love bloom again. Don't you dare let satan get a hold of you with doubts!!!! I absolutely mean this! No contact with OG anymore,ever! Let it go.
When D is ready later, much later you all can get another puppy and uh name her hope,or grace because God has blessed you with both.
Enough said?????????
Kim
p.s. are you the DB queen or what?
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! Still scared. Tried to find a counselor that would take his insurance. Saw ex sat to pick up D and told hm I am working on getting someone and asked if he would prefer male or female, he told me it didn't matter so I told him I would look for a man. this is so weird, I just got done reading the DB book! D overheard the "I want to go to conseling talk" she is upset, doe not want us to get back together.
thanks hope, that was really good advice to go back and read what I have posted, probably would have never thought of that myself! I know I am being tempted. Even more so, OM showed up Sat night looking very, very tired, he works third shift and a 2nd job on the weekends. His furance died and he had no heat--it was like 20 degrees out this weekend. I knew he wasn't lying, the furnance was going when I lived there. He begged me for him to stay over and get some sleep. I didn't want to turn him away, he has bailed me out more than once, so I let him in and he fell asleep on the counch, then next day I had way to much too drink and ended up at his house watching the super bowl. I know it was wrong.
thanks for reading my post rayanne. OM called me crying that he wants to marry me someday, has been sober for 2 weeks now. I know he is not good in the long run, but I wish I could mix together the two of them--hey the perfect man!! The OM grandmother called me wanting to know if her grandson a.k.a. OM was behaving and being sober. She was telling me how good I am for him. I love the oM family, they took me right in. The ex's family never excepted me, yeah I know who cares what the family thinks, but within about 4 days I have had both men telling me stuff that I want to hear and then grandma telling me how good I am for her grandson. I know its a fact of life and someone is going to get hurt and I hate that!
phoenix: There is something that keeps staying with me. When D went up for her shower, ex started by saying that he can see in D's eyes that she doesn't want me to leave when I am here. He said that since she is only 12yr old and not 18, that we should work all this out. Like if she was going to be 18 this summer, we would not be having this conversation. I found that weird. We both co-parent wonderfully--only thing we do right! He said that he loves me but because our D needs me, is that why we are going to conunseling? I have made myself a goal: to clear the air #1 reason to start off with. Even if we don't get back together, at least we will get things off our chests. I tried on my wedding rings this weekend--they don't fit
That must have been very hard!
