well, daughter came home to find the family dog dead. ex and I just had a discussion about putting the dog too sleep. There was a huge storm and there was a problem with one of the ex's tenents-toilet problem I think. So I knew he had been up all night with the dog, so it wasn't my day but I told him that he had alot of work ahead of him and I would take daughter to dance, just come home. Well, ex didn't know about the dog and I didn't want the dog just lying there and have the ex come home to that mess, so since daughter was at in-laws I went to the house and "clean up" lets just say it wasn't what I expected, I never knew how strong I was and its done. Went back to the in-laws to pick up daughter and ex's car was in the driveway, he got done plowing early. I opened the door and totally lost it. We all hugged and cried. It was a nice family moment. He kept telling me that I didn't have to do that, but I told him didn't want him to have to deal with it. He invited me home with him for pizza, though we really didn't eat. Daughter went up to take shower, while in the shower, I was getting my coat ready to leave when he told me that we needed to talk, that he was willing to work things out, the divorce was stupid, for daughter's sake he wants to work it out and that he still loves me and has no time to date and lets work it out. Well, I was leaping inside and said very little on the outside--didn't want to say anything stupid. I told him okay, I will go to however he wants and told him that we shouldn't make promises, not tell anyone and go to counseling, if we don't get back together, at least we will learn to communicate to eachother. I went home and now I'm like okay is this what I want? I'm getting what I want and now I'm not sure. I always had to pretend alot when I was with ex and with the OM, I didn't I was free to be me. I go home and there is a message from OM on the phone. He loves me, has been sober for 2 weeks, getting better all the time wants to prove things to me. Now I find myself comparing the two guys. Right now I feel no physical attraction for my ex, he just doesn't do it for me in that departmentbut I still love him, he is the father of my child, practing Catholic, doesn't smoke or drink, hard worker--
