Thanks, everyone. I will tell my doctor about my mental estate. I wonder if that will make any difference on her prescribing me painkillers. They gave me Vicodin and Percocet after my last csection, but those are easily addictive. I wonder if she will give me something else.
She keeps sending me back to the hospital for more tests. This is starting to get annoying. The baby will be born this Wednesday. Why all the fuss? She wants me to go today and Tuesday for more tests and ultrasounds. I really don't know if anything makes a difference unles I start to have contractions, which I do, but they come and go.
Anyway, my mom, dad and brother arrive from Brazil today and my cousin and his wife will drive down from another city as well, so I will finally have the sanity of my family nearby.
H is terrified of them. He always liked them and they had taken him in with arms open. My parents paid for our wedding (which was in my parents country house in Brazil by a beautiful waterfall) and to this day H says it was the best day of his life, because he had never felt this welcomed before.
And here is the latest on H:
I've been more uncomfortable than ever. My belly is measuring 44 or 45 weeks (as if I'm carrying twins due to swelling of the uterus, hence all the tests) and the contractions sometimes are unbearable. I've only gained 24lbs with this pregnancy and I am all belly. I think I may have lost a lot of my own body weight with all the stress and the fluid retention is most likely due to stress as well.
H came home on Thursday and complained about there not being any dinner. I literally felt like I couldn't move that day, plus I think he should pamper me, not the other way around.
I said I can't behave like a step ford wife, especially in the state im in, if he can't behave like a husband. He said then that he will stop paying the bills. I don't know if it was the hormones, this constant stress of these endless fights or what but I just lost it. I cried and got my parents on Skype so they could hear H's nonsense. The moment he saw my parents, he stopped ranting. He was getting ready to leave the house and just sat on the couch, embarrassed and asking whether I'd like for him to leave, this time with a much calmer voice (because he knew my parents were listening).
I was crying so hard and cried throughout the night. I'm just so exhausted. H slept on the bed with me (which was extremely awkward and neither of us could sleep - remember, he was deployed for six months and hasn't slept on the bed since arriving in September) and was doting up to the morning, when I was still feeling very much defeated and depressed. I just didn't want to get out of bed today. He said the night before that he did want to stay in this marriage, but that I am making it hard.huh??? This is where I second guess myself. He is literally driving me crazy and being incredibly insensitive, but I have to remain calm and collected. It's nearly impossible.
Thank goodness for life with a toddler, I don't have the luxury to feel sorry for myself for too long. I took S1 for a ride and to go look at the ocean.
When H got home we went grocery shopping together, something we hadnt done in at least a year. He kept saying he wants to move out temporarily so he doesn't have to face my parents today. I don't think he will.
He still snaps at me for anything I say and do. It's maddening. I feel like my heart is racing all the time because he may go off and that my mere presence annoys him. Example: he is talking with me from another room and I can't hear him. If I say, huh? More than three times, he yells, "whatever! s#%^! You never listen" I try to explain to him that he walks away talking and I can't physically hear him when he is in another room. His stock answer is, whatever!
