Time and Tide

[uRworthy]

Fy, I am going to answer something that you wrote on T2's thread, if I may.

I agree with you. I have felt for awhile that you need to do something different. There is not one size fits all when it comes to dbing.

Oh and you have to actually get on FB sometimes in order to chat. Just sayin.

[ForeverYoung]

Fy, I am going to answer something that you wrote on T2's thread, if I may.

I agree with you. I have felt for awhile that you need to do something different. There is not one size fits all when it comes to dbing.

Thanks uR, your sage advice means a lot to me.

Oh and you have to actually get on FB sometimes in order to chat. Just sayin.

Hey hey, cut me some slack. I need to spend a little time figuring out how it all works so's I don't post something somewhere that I regret. I know I seem smart, but I really don't know what I'm doing. (on FB)

[uRworthy]

I know you are smart, my friend.

It's fairly easy, once you get the hang of it. And you will.

[ForeverYoung]

As my W came through the front door last night returning from her 4 night vacation trip with my Lil Sis she offered an almost cheerful "Hello" instead of her more usual and subdued "hey".

She was hungry and quickly zoned in on a tofu and veggie fried rice dish I made that was still on the stove. She really wolfed it down and thanked me for it twice!

Said she was glad to be home, as LS seemingly couldn't find enough things to complain about. The walk to town was too far, she was hot. She was going to look it up to prove she was right, too... this walk is absolutely farther than what W claimed it to be!

One day it rained for 20 minutes and LS went on about how it was too cold. There was more...

LS also went out and partied it up at the disco every night into the morning. W did not join her. Because of this LS couldn't get up and out before 11am and missed breakfast everyday. W does not miss breakfast!

W got me a couple of small gifts, and some gifts for GF and another close friend at work.

The question now is how long can I be a roommate with my W? We'll see.

[reachingHigher]

That's interesting, FY!

W may not see you as such a bad option!

Smart, funny, good-looking, great cook, consistent, knows her and her likes/dislikes...hmmm!! I hope she does some thinking.

I know my H told me that he looked for better options outside the M and didn't find any so came back home. My friends and family thought that to be so condescending. I don't. It's just semantics. I think they never really wanted to leave home at all and just make excuses why nothing is ever just right for them "out there".

One girl that I was afraid would be just perfect for my H -- they "clicked", she was very pretty, extremely fit with plastic surgery, perfect hair, looking for a man, etc. and my H said she wore inappropriate shoes at times. Like a pretty dress but with tennis shoes or whatever. Really! I didn't know such a small thing would be so important to a guy!

It underscored my feeling that our spouses really aren't looking for someone to replace us. They just don't even know what they are looking for and they are unhappy with us ... just not unhappy enough to get rid of us!!!!

[Cadet]

When you can't love yourself then it is awful hard to love your spouse, children, dog, house or anything else.

MLC is not a relationship issue, it is an internal issue and a stage of development must be repeated.

When we try to have relationship talks, we are totally missing the issue.

[ForeverYoung]

I think they never really wanted to leave home at all and just make excuses why nothing is ever just right for them "out there".

I think you got something there, rH.

Until they quit searching for fulfillment "out there", they'll never find it. Not for long anyways.

MLC is not a relationship issue, it is an internal issue and a stage of development must be repeated.

When we try to have relationship talks, we are totally missing the issue.

Thanks for the reminder, Cadet.

On the other hand, there's a whole slew of people (some with credentials) who don't believe any of that, and think there's no such thing as MLC. It does make me wonder sometimes.

Sometimes relationship talks are unavoidable... they bring it up. Then too, if I'm beginning to tire of waiting, and want to let her know, what do you suppose I'm going to talk about?

Last night, after 4 nights away W came got in at 9pm, we talked for about 30 minutes. Tonight, she went out straight from work with her friends, won't be home till 11 or 12. We might talk for a few minutes, then she'll shower and go to her bed. I surely don't need this.

I'm definitely not an exciting option right now. I do wonder what the hell is so exciting "out there".

[uRworthy]

Sorry, Cadet, dont necessarily agree with that blanket statement.

There is no one size fits all way to handle this. Different people, different sitches.

Sometimes it is necessary for the MLCer to have a dose of reality hit them from time to time.

No one relationship talk is going to make or break the situation. I am not talking about a long, drawn out relationship talk. And certainly not in the beginning of all this.

But, just because they have a stage of development they need to figure out, doesnt mean they shouldnt also understand where their spouse is at.

Fy's wife often brings up the relationship and he answers in a clear, concise, non pressuring way. Nothing wrong with that.

Every situation has to be weighed on its own and then the best way to handle it should be decided.

[Notlikingthis]

FY!.

I have my leather outfit on, feather duster in hand....I think someone needs a good spanking!

Seriously, Cadet is so right on with his comment. We know what to do when they bring up R talks. Think of yourself as a quasi therapist. You know the guys that make all the money to nod and say uh-huh, I see. They ask the patient a question now and then to keep them talking. They are validating more than giving advice.

I don't always believe people with credentials anyway. They give their opinion and have theories. The Dbing guidelines and the results that I've seen here have proven to me that the process works.

Don't make me come over there.....LOL

[TSquared2]

Well if FY isn't up for it......
lmao!