My H and I started long distance as well, we met in 2001 and had mutual friends, then in 2006 we reconnected through one of those friends. I lived in the mid-west, he was down south. So being a part isn't the hardest part for me.
Other things I can relate to from your story: "He also started talking about children and how he didn't think that we had a stable environment here to do that. He said that his therapist identified him as being codependent and he said that he spent most of his life doing things for others and put his wants aside for everyone else. He said he wanted to take a few days for himself and hoped that I would understand."
In the beginning both my H and I wanted 2-3 kids. Last year he mentioned maybe we should only have one..... then that turned into "I'm glad we don't have any kids...look at us, we both aren't ready".... after BD he said "I'm content with the fact I may never have kids".
Yeah, he's content, but now I may never have that either. These are the times I feel anger towards him, and I have to redirect my thoughts to something positive.
Also, when we were dating I would tell my H that he takes care of everyone else and needs to start focusing on himself. He would always disagree. After BD, this is now his main concern, that he realizes he's taken care of others for too long and wants to only take care of him. That was a stab in the heart.
But just like your H said that it's him, not you. We both have to believe that is true... and give them the time they need to work through whatever it is they are going through.
If you have time for another book, I enjoyed "This is not the story you think it is....a season of unlikely happiness" by Laura Munson. Her H left and had his own crisis/depression sitch going on.... Her story gave me a bit of hope
Hope you enjoy your weekend!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
