Hi, just a quick update. Thanks to those of you that have checked in on me. I've been busy and haven't been able to spend any time on the board and I've really missed checking in with many of you that I've followed for some time. I hope to have a little time this weekend to catch up with some of you.
Since last I posted, I've gone and gotten myself a full-time job outside of the house (plus my old job which had become part-time, plus still going to school.) I also have a 93yo gma that I love dearly that has been placed in hospice care, and I'm trying to spend as much time with her as possible before her illness robs her of her faculties first, and then life itself. And of course, DS13 is always involved in something, to which I try to tag along as much as possible.
The busy-ness has been a blessing and a curse for me, as it's taken my focus off of my R with H. So while I'm no longer consumed with trying to make it better, I find I just don't really care that much about it anymore and find myself investing in other people/things instead. With the limited spare time I have remaining, the last thing I want to do is engage with H. And though I haven't done anything untoward at work or school, I can definitely understand how A's happen. When you spend a bunch of time with someone else, someone that treats you with respect and courtesy, and then only have a small amount of time each week to spend with a S who doesn't treat you well, I don't know how an A can be avoided. Even if you don't physically connect, I can see the mental/emotional connection happening without even trying. And when the heart and mind are invested elsewhere, what's left? So while I think it's really unfortunate and sad, I'm also feeling like it's just inevitable. And that goes for either one of us, as I realize it's just as likely if not moreso for H.
Ironically, while I have a busier schedule, I'm finding that I'm more effective in the time that I do have than I was when I had more of it. Sort of a matter of necessity, I guess. I'm finding the "me" that I used to be before getting caught up in the workings of a bad M. Several factors have contributed, I'm sure. The job search was quite flattering, with two interviews and two offers in the first week of putting my resume out. The respect I receive from my co-workers is wonderful. And of course the paycheck! Even the drive to work is enjoyable. While working from home had its benefits, the isolation for me had become a very bad thing. Getting out of the house and back into a corporate office environment has probably been the best thing for me as a person. And will probably turn out to be the worst thing for my M. But if that's the case, so be it; I'd rather sacrifice my M than lose me again.
