One giant leap forward! - Part 8

[T1000]

A strange day today.

I was hoping to have the kids this weekend but I didn't want to take any chances so I texted W this morning.

Me: Hi, can you make sure the kids tablet is charged so they can watch it in the car?
W: Eh??? Is this not my weekend to have the kids?
Me: You had them last weekend.
W: Oh yeah....when you couldn't be arsed turning up for your son's birthday.
Me: Being arsed had nothing to do with it. I'm celebrating S1's birthday when I have them.
W: Pathetic. I've already made plans. Too short notice to ask to see them.
Me: You took away my scheduled weekend with them last week. Its not what I wanted but I accepted it as it was out of my control. Changing that weekend and then keeping me from having them this weekend isn't fair on them. One minute you're saying they need to see me more and then the next you take that away from them. I've been trying Skype them and you won't let me. If you have an issue with me, then take issue with me. But at no point in time should you ever put the children in the middle of us.
W: Relationship with you and those little boys don't think you care about them. You are breaking mine and their hearts treating them this way.
Excuse me...you asked to skype then once...I was not I'm the house! You should make the effort to see them more. I even took my computer so you could skype him on his birthday but you didn't even send a message or call me to let him talk to you. That littles heart was broken asking for you on his birthday. Celebrating it on your own scheduale is not how it should be done. You know I don't want them having 'two' birthdays. I am no way using them as pawns and you know that. I really want them to have a
Me: I understand why you would feel that way. I find it hard to know where I stand. I didn't feel like I would have been welcome on Sunday.
W: Of course you would have!!!! You are their Dad. You seeing them come above everything and anyone no matter what happens in life!
Me: I appreciate you saying that. I really need to spend some time with them. Can I please pick them up today?
W: Yes. See you at 3pm. I'll meet you at the park. Need to talk to you about both of them.
Me: Okay great! Bring their tablet?
W: Will do.
Me: Thanks
W: No worries :-)
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As you can probably see I needed to turn the conversation to my advantage and used validation to do that and it worked well. I was being manipulative, I saw no other option in being able to see them. You also might notice some of PatientMans monologue in there.
Considering how stubborn W is I was quite impressed with myself how quickly I turned it aorund.
A few months ago i would have been arguing about every little dig she threw my way.


Got there and the kids were made up. W was being okey. As the kids were playing W was trying to talk to be but said that I was difficult to talk to as I have been stand off-ish for weeks and I don't talk.
I said I have no questions, you want to ask me something go ahead.
She asked me why I never turned up for S1's birthday. I said I didn't feel welcome, I didn't know she took her laptop to skype. I didn't know who she was there with, I'm not gonna turn up if you're there with your boyfriend.
She said she didn't want the kids having two birthdays, I said that's the reality, whether you accept it or not the kids also have a life with me and I'm not going to enter "her life" for every occasion. We are not going to be spending occasions as a family unit.
She got teary at this point, I felt like I should hug her but I never.
S4 kept saying Mummy and Daddy, Mummy and Daddy. W repeated what he was saying.
She asked me why I wouldn't move to her town for the boys if I was willing to do it for her. I told her I was willing to do it for us as a family not just her.
We walked to the car, she mentioned again that I'm stand off-ish. I asked her if she had the bracket to hold the tablet on the back of the car seat headrest. She said she left it in her car.
It took me while to set off because I have to get some stuff sorted. As I was pulling out of the car park W drove past and flagged me down. I pulled over and walked over with the tablet bracket, she looked awkward.

Within minutes of setting off my phone beeped:

W: I miss you

10 mins later...

W: I wake up most days not having a clue what I'm doing. I think about you every day and I honestly don't know what to do. The boys need you ...and I think I need you too. I'm sorry.

About 5 hours later
Me: I appreciate your honesty. I felt like that for a long time myself, its difficult.


Really I didn't want to reply. However if anyone sends me an apology whether they mean it or not I think they deserve at least a little recognition.
Again a few months ago I would have been all over that text, I would have wondering why meeting in the park...
I'm so detatched I didn't even realize how detached I am. It wasn't until I thought about it on the way home.
I also wanted me reply to let her know I'm not in the same place she is mentally.

I felt like saying 'give yourself a few months and see how you feel'.

I feel like there is more to this write up but it's late and I've still got presents to wrap.