The Big Chill

[Feenix]

Oh, Pud:

My heart hurts so much for you today.

It's a good thing to get those emotions out, though. uR always says you need to let the feelings come, really feel them, then you can let them go.

Like 3bm said, you can't be a robot. You do have feelings and it's ok to FEEL them.

I hope you feel better this afternoon.

HUGS my sweet friend!!!!

This will pass and you'll be strong and steady again.

[BrightFuture]

Pud, so sorry you are feeing sad today. I’ve been having a few tough days myself. I also wonder sometime who is there to be strong for me? When I get to the low point in my possibly depression, people just try to avoid me.
Hope you feel better.

[uRworthy]

Oh Pud, I am so sorry you are having a hard time. This is such tough stuff. But, you feel what you feel, and it is ok. We have all felt them.

Be kind to yourself, practice self care.

These feelings are all part of the process. It is important to feel them and when you are ready, let them wash over you.

And try real hard to remember, that as much as you want to, you cannot make other people happy. It's not possible.

You will get through this, sweetie. We will be here to help.

[Pudmuddle]

Thank you all, for the outpouring of love, and responding to my pity party. I really do appreciate the thoughts and special concern. Sometimes it's all that keeps me going. <3 youz all.

I am doing ok, tears tried to well up while at work but I kept myself busy or distracted talking to people about other stuff when the thoughts overwhelmed.

I am going to meet an old friend for a drink after work and then pick up my S from his class. I dressed real nice today to help with the PMA, even though I didn't feel like it.

My H just sent a text saying "Hope you had a better day than you were this morning". I'm not sure if I should respond, just not feeling it, but I have to fake it right?

[job]

You don't have to respond, but I would...I would say my day was okay and leave it at that. He doesn't realize why you were so upset because mlcers' empathy chip is broken and he could also be fishing to find out what was wrong. They are clueless how to speak directly to us during their crisis. They go all around Robin Hood's barn to get to the point.

If you don't feel well, so be it. No one says you have to be the happy chipper birdie all of the time. This stuff is hard and yes, it's emotionally challenging s well. You are going to have good and bad days. If you aren't feeling well or up to the BS, be honest and tell people it's not the best day and leave it at that.

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks for replying job, I think my brain is fried today, so I have no brain cells to think about this and it feels like such a game at times.

I will respond with just that. Because he is showing concern, which I haven't seen in a while.

They go all around Robin Hood's barn to get to the point.

This made me laugh, I love the analogies people come up with on here. Thanks for the chuckle.

[cat04]

Pud,

You have had a busy few days.

This is an emotional rollercoaster for sure. For both the MLCer and the LBS.

I realize that this whole situation is confusing. Including DB principals.

When to respond, how to respond, what to think, what not to think...

The thing with MLC...

While there really is nothing the LBS can do to "wake up" the MLCer, to make the process faster...

There ARE things that we can to do make the process slow down...

Those things include the obvious, pursuit, begging, etc...

And really the goal is to not make the crisis worse...

Answering a question like the one he asked you, is actually a positive thing...

Especially if you use a simple answer like Job provided.

Sure you might want to spill your guts and tell him everything, but that will be received as pressure by him...

You might want to ignore it and not answer...that will be viewed as you being angry or not caring and shutting him out of your life. (At some point you may need to do that but not right now).

Answering, with a little information (like as much as you would give the neighbor you wave at every morning who doesn't really know you) is a very safe answer because it is fairly neutral.

You aren't shutting him out but you aren't looking for a conversation that he isn't emotionally ready to handle.

So keep doing what you are doing, focusing on you and your S, and healing.

[Pudmuddle]

hey cat, thanks. It is hard to know when to show care and not. Part of my problems with this is that during my depressive phase I was neutral and unconcerned, so I feel like he needs to see the happier me, even when responding to texts and things. It's so confusing. I want to create an environment where he feels safe enough to feel good about being here. You're advice is helpful.

He went out last night and still isn't home, it's almost 9:30. For the first time last night, I didn't care that he wasn't coming home and I actually slept really good. Probably becuz I was exhausted from the day before, too. But now when I see his S wake up in the morning and not even question where his dad is...that hurts. I want to smack H silly.

We shall see what the day holds. Still no mention if he is moving out or not.

[Pudmuddle]

So he is home. I met him as he came up the stairs and hugged him and said 'I'm glad your safe'. He said 'That's one reason I didn't come home last night, I drank too much and didn't want to drive in my company van. Not that I drank a lot but didn't want to drive.'

Conflicting statements. Anyhoo, I said 'It only takes one.' He said 'Yeah, I know.' He then asked where I was going, because all the nice clothes I had on yesterday, I slept in. LOL. I said' Nowhere, just slept in my clothes.' At least he noticed my clothes.

Sigh, riding my seesaw.

[Pudmuddle]

I am feeling ok today. Not great, but ok.

H and S are going to a motorcycle ride that a business is doing where they can test out new bikes for free. I knew they were going, but it makes me sad. I wish H would invite me along like he used too. He hasn't done that for years. He stopped caring so long ago it seems.

So I want downstairs to get a banana while he was fixing their lunches and stuff. I said "Good morning, Well I hope you guys have fun, sounds like a good time". he said "Good morning, Yeah, this company hasn't done stuff like this for a while so it will be fun to test them out. Nice to see the new bikes and all". I said "Yeah and even if you can't afford them you can at least get a cheap thrill!" He laughed at that, as did I. Then I said "Well have a great time and have fun". then walked back upstairs. I was so hoping he would ask me to go, but I didn't want to pursue that.

Last night we watched a movie together and then a few House Hunter Int'l shows. Those used to be our favorite thing to watch together and since he was controlling the remote, I thought it was interesting that he wanted to watch these with me. We had some nice convos about stuff, where I just remembered to validate. No R talk, just general stuff. I looked at him when he was speaking, put lots of yeahs and uhhuhs in there. I didn't try to give opinions much. Then after a bit I went upstairs to my room. I did say good night. I'm trying to remember to be polite, which has been harder the past few days.

The one thing I did notice was that for most of the night he seemed to have a permanent furrowed brow, as if thinking or having thoughts in his head. I mentioned this once, and he didn't seem to notice that he had been doing that and he said nothing was going on. Then after I mentioned it, I noticed a bit later his brow was furrowed again. Kind of like you do when you are really concerned about something or thinking really hard. Interesting.

I did cry again this morning, but this time I just let it wash over me and out of me like job and cat have suggested. I allowed myself to feel the pain and I even sobbed "I just don't want to feel this pain anymore".

I am going to have a good day. You all too!