I think it's not meant to cause you to beat yourself down with blame. It's always meant to me hope rather than guilt. Because if I have found things in this that are my responsibility then I can work on them and have a better life ahead. It is a complete waste of time to sit and consider what my H needs to change, or what Suckerpunch's wife needs to change, those things are not in our control.
It feels good to be able to say it's their fault too, or even mostly their fault, or the old standby it was both our fault but more so theirs because they're the ones who "chose" to leave. But that good feeling is fleeting. The good feeling that comes from owning your own stuff and working on it, is permanent. And way more attractive.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
