Luke,
you need to get a tattoo. or grow your beard, or shave if you already have one. just go shake yourself up.

one positive you may be able to take out of all of this mess is that you know exactly where you stand.

at this point, you have nothing to lose.

there's no longer any need to worry what she thinks, or that your actions may in some way ruin your chance to save your M.

go out and just be.

"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".