Thanks AS, I just ended up sending the accumulated mail, the iphone cord, and some other of her personal documents that I didn't feel comfortable holding on to anymore. Now she's in control of those.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Had my first IC session this evening. It was interesting. I owned all of my issues and set goals. Counselor told me I was doing well not pursuing. To leave her and the family alone and keep working on me. It felt good to admit my stuff out loud. I've had trouble being honest with myself, it felt relieving to get stuff out there. Good day all around.
In other news, wife flew across the country without telling me. Noticed some credit card charges a couple states over where we used to live. Thinking she's visiting some friends, so hard not to keep the mind from wandering.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I'm feeling surprisingly detached today. I hope this feeling of peace and serenity continues. I have stopped checking the credit card charges, mint.com and Facebook- so really no snooping of any kind. I'm sure once she contacts me again for the next part of the divorce proceedings I'll change, but feeling pretty darn good today.
I made appointments to get my high blood pressure checked out, have another counseling session next Tuesday, am going for a dental checkup and just continuing to work on me. I'm in a pretty good place mentally today. Let's hope it lasts.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I think the thing that made me feel like this was I need to become the best second husband I can be. Regardless of whether my current relationship works out or ends in divorce, I can't go back to being the husband I was the first time around.
So ultimately, I'm becoming the husband I intended to be the first time around. Whether that works out in the relationship is yet to be determined, but ultimately I'll be bringing a lot more to the table for my second marriage. This has forced me to address issues going all the way back to childhood that I am now feeling much better about and learning to forgive myself and love myself again.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Everything sounds great K. You have great focus and are able to see whatever fine tuning needed....like not checking the bank charges. Keep up your positive mental attitude, great things are in store for you!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
I'm feeling surprisingly detached today. I hope this feeling of peace and serenity continues. I have stopped checking the credit card charges, mint.com and Facebook- so really no snooping of any kind. I'm sure once she contacts me again for the next part of the divorce proceedings I'll change, but feeling pretty darn good today.
I made appointments to get my high blood pressure checked out, have another counseling session next Tuesday, am going for a dental checkup and just continuing to work on me. I'm in a pretty good place mentally today. Let's hope it lasts.
Take time to notice how you feel, why you feel that way and what you are doing, not doing, thinking, not thinking. Try to bookmark where and how you feel now, so that you can recall it later when you need it, as you will.
Good job!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
One of the most interesting things to me has been that my W still signs in to mint.com and categorizes her purchases. She's even still using her "fun money" category we each established so we could make personal purchases. Why even bother to take the time to sign in and change the category? Why does she care to categorize things if she's done with the marriage and it's such a trivial thing to take the time to do? I'm befuddled.
Anyway, I'm still in a decent place mentally. I weighed 189 this morning, so I'm down 15 pounds overall. I think I have about 14 more to go, but I'm looking pretty darn good if I do say so myself. It feels good to have the self-confidence back.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Glad to you're doing well. Keep the positive momentum going. There will be more down days. (Trust me). The key is to know what triggers those "feelings", to recognize they are creeping in and then to get back to your happy place.
Confidence will attract people.
Continue your IC sessions and keep moving forward.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
My W has worked very hard since we moved to this new city in March. She started at a grocery store and has back issues so she came home sore everyday. She then got her dream job but also worked all summer in 100+ degree heat, 6 days a week most times. Her hours have been cut (seasonal position) and now she has extra time.
Our city does this little coupon book for free events to movie theaters, restaurants, mini-golf, bowling etc. I purchased the coupon book today. We missed out on buying one last year. I am thinking about mailing it to my W with a short thank you card- something along the lines of-
W, Thanks for working all of that overtime! I hope you can put these to good use. H
Thoughts on appropriateness?
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Our city does this little coupon book for free events to movie theaters, restaurants, mini-golf, bowling etc. I purchased the coupon book today. We missed out on buying one last year. I am thinking about mailing it to my W with a short thank you card- something along the lines of-
W, Thanks for working all of that overtime! I hope you can put these to good use. H
Thoughts on appropriateness?
I would highly advise you NOT to do this. It is a form of pursuing.
The more you chase the faster they run. You're moving in the wrong direction. You need to make her feel like she is losing YOU.
You noticing all she did before and acting now will only piss her off more.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
