uR, I just realized that what you described about your depression perfectly fits me right now. I haven’t been considered myself being depressed though. Maybe, I’m just afraid to admit it t myself. I manage to go through the days, weeks and months though, one step at a time.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
BF, there are differing degrees of depression. I thought the same thing, that I wasnt depressed. I was fully functional. I mentioned a couple of things to my doc, and she sent me to go talk to someone. It was the best thing I ever did.
So I got back from taking S to group therapy. He seemed to be ok when he came out, but then as we drove home he retreated further and further. in fact he said at one point, "Don't talk to me, in fact just don't talk to me for the rest of the night". I calmly said "Take all the time you need, but I am your mother and you will not disrespect me". And left it at that.
I swear, you guys, I feel like I am IN crazytown and just about to Check myself IN!!!! I know I shouldn't take this personal, but I am tired of everyone in my life being unhappy. I'm going for a PMA jog, with my dog, all by my HAPPY self!!!!!
Back in a few.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Hi BF, yes it's hard to recognize when you are in depression. I've had the depression and family history of it for a while so I now can identify it, but still not at first. You might consider just talking to someone first and have them talk to you about how you are feeling. Please do, it can be so beneficial and help you deal with all the other cr@p going on in your life.
Take care, luv
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
H didn't get home from his classes until 9 and wondered why we were all in bed. Really...Duh. He actually came up to my room. He pet the dog and than asked why I wasn't watching Night at the Roxbury, since it was on the tv downstairs. One of my favorite stupid movies. I chuckled and said "yeah". He looked really tired around his eyes. Really tired. Now he is downstairs laughing at something on tv.
Positives I guess, but I'm not feeling it tonight.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
When I went for my jog, with my dog, in the dark, I bawled the whole way. I want the people in my life to be happy. I'm tired of picking up the pieces, being strong for everyone else. Who is strong for me? No one. Yes, it was a pity party. And grieving still for what has been lost. I didn't want my S to see this. I need to be stronger more than ever now, for him.
I didn't sleep well last night. Too sad, crying. This morning, I had my light on in my room. I was listening to my fave songs. I was crying again.
H peeked his head up the stairwell into my room and said Have a good day, before he left. In a wavering voice I said you too. He said 'you ok?' I couldn't answer, my head was down, weeping quietly. He actually came upstairs, came over to my side of the bed and hugged me for a long time. I just kept crying quietly. I couldn't say anything. Everything I wanted to say. How much I love him, how much I want him back, how much I want him to just be happy again. Finally he said Have a good day. And left.
I feel so sad for this whole situation and not strong at all today.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I'm very sorry you are having a difficult time right now. Feel the pain, cry as much as you need to and allow all of that pain to wash over and out of your body. You are going to have days where you just want to curl up and cry and then there will be days when things will be better. It is an emotional rollercoaster and one that takes a while to get through. During this time, be kind to yourself. Keep things as simple as possible for yourself. Don't rack up a lot of things to do all in one day. Take each day as it comes and if you don't feel like doing something, then don't.
You will get stronger in time. Take it hour by hour, day by day. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry you are having a rough day pudmuddle. I went through that a couple of weeks ago. I had been DBing and seeing progress, really GALing and taking care of myself. I truly felt better about myself and then one night and one set of circumstances sent me spiraling. I wound up crying by myself while everyone else in the house including W were asleep. I had held all that in for quite a while trying to keep myself together. The bad thoughts, the loss, the rejection all rushed back in that night and I sobbed uncontrollably alone for over an hour.
You aren't weak for letting it happen. We need to feel the pain and let the emotion happen. It's part of the process of healing. Its great that you went for a jog and did it for yourself without H seeing it to begin with. Try to be strong and know there are lots of us out here struggling along with you.
Definitely thinking about you today.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Struggling and crying today (now) too... you are not alone Pudmuddle!!
Magic.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Pud - I am so sorry to see that you are having a tough day. I know exactly how you are feeling I find myself laying in bed in the middle of the night wondering what it used to feel like to not worry about this 24/7...to just live and be happy. I don't remember the last time that I was just truly happy and that H was truly happy. I find that I can go almost two weeks being strong and moving forward and then I hit a bump in the road and the emotion floods out. I am getting better at making sure it is in private. But there have been instances when my voice started to quiver and I had to take a deep breath. We are all human and we cant live in robot mode every day. I will be thinking about you today and hope things get better for you today!
I find myself laying in bed in the middle of the night wondering what it used to feel like to not worry about this 24/7...to just live and be happy. I don't remember the last time that I was just truly happy and that H was truly happy. I find that I can go almost two weeks being strong and moving forward and then I hit a bump in the road and the emotion floods out. I am getting better at making sure it is in private. But there have been instances when my voice started to quiver and I had to take a deep breath. We are all human and we cant live in robot mode every day. I will be thinking about you today and hope things get better for you today!