Questions on the 37 rules and other advice...

[S4tk]

F - I like the 48 hour rule. I applied it a few times over the last few days.

SA - After processing for about a week, I did feel the need to offer a genuine apology. I feel like anything else I had said in the way of repentance or apology (up to this point) was during the begging/pleading/ "she must be depressed or hormonal or going insane" phase of things during the first 6 weeks when I was obsessively trying to fix her. So I feel that anything I might have owned at that point was drowned out by the louder voice - the one where I was telling her basically there must be something on her end causing all this.

So, two nights ago I asked her if we could talk the next night (last night) and I just calmly but genuinely laid out some of what I have been learning in therapy and processing individually - namely that for whatever reason (several factors actually) I have been an avoider and even hater of emotion, both in my life and hers and others. I actually have little idea how to connect on a heart level.

This seemed important to her because she shed many tears. She opened up and talked about her own family and how it was hard for her. She talked about us enabling one another in our weaknesses.

Later during the same conversation, it felt appropriate so I then worked in the "cage door" type speech that Dobson recommends. I let her know I was standing for our marriage but that I would not chase her and that she is free to go.

I feel that this step was necessary before I begin to employ the "tough love" kind of approach of DR and Dobson. I reminded myself not to expect any positive reaction from her, so the willingness on her part to listen and even talk was a welcome surprise.

I think that now, at this point, I am ready to follow the "dim" advise which I have been reading about in different sitch's here: not initiating R talks, GALing, etc.