Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Good, very little contact last day or so with W. I found a pair of S5's shoes she was looking for so let her know.
A funny exchange a little bit ago. I think I mentioned a couple of weeks ago going to a friend's birthday party and two women there were interested in me, and one was VERY interested.
W found out, and actually texted me today and asked me about it. I jokingly told her we went on a date, and she about lost it. She was wanting to know who she was, what her name was, why in the world I would go with her. I told her, "I'm KIDDING, I wouldn't do that." She still was really angry, and said that I shouldn't be flirting with women, and that I was good-looking so I needed to stay away from women.
This - from the woman who had an EA (until she met the guy and he was gross), and got smashed at a party and made out with a DIFFERENT guy. Sigh.
I teased her a little, and she calmed down and joked with me. I sent her this picture (can I post external links to pictures on here?):
I see this as a positive, Jon. W is wanting to make sure that you're still her H and no other woman can make any claims on you. Soooo funny...reminds me of rH's husband, who saw that a man was engaging rH in a long convo at a BBQ event, came over to her side and introduced himself as rH's H. Wanted to be sure that the man knew that rH's spoken for....
Been quiet still - thinking a lot and reflecting on myself. I know my DBing has been erratic, but I have made a lot of changes, and I want to stay focused on those and not get distracted by the R stuff, while also looking ahead to the things I need to continue to work on. W is pretty quiet as well. Her aunt and grandma left this morning, so here comes the big weekend!
Here's something I need advice on: our anniversary is in about two weeks. I'm going to assume for a moment that all goes well this weekend, and W still is committed to working on our marriage, and we move forward.
Historically, I have to admit, I am awful at occasions like that, especially with W. Include in that birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc - I can't recall a single one that I've done exceptionally well except maybe one birthday. W's love language is gifts too, so I've really screwed the pooch on that one.
My idea for the anniversary is to get her a nice non-romantic gift. There's a pair of boots she's wanted for over a year. For me to notice that she wants them and spend the money to get them would be a very big 180 for me. I figure we're probably not at a place to do the normal anniversary thing and have a nice romantic stay somewhere.
I agree to keep things scaled back for your anniversary, I think dinner and a card would be good. See how the next week goes and play it by ear w/ the gift.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
You can get back on moderation for posting external links.
Quote:
W found out, and actually texted me today and asked me about it. I jokingly told her we went on a date, and she about lost it. She was wanting to know who she was, what her name was, why in the world I would go with her. I told her, "I'm KIDDING, I wouldn't do that." She still was really angry, and said that I shouldn't be flirting with women, and that I was good-looking so I needed to stay away from women.
Why do you do this stuff? Who's testing who here?
Have you read about the drama triangle? You and your W are changing places on it all the time.
Do you have the strength to step out of it?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
W found out, and actually texted me today and asked me about it. I jokingly told her we went on a date, and she about lost it.
Time to revisit 2nd's post from a couple of pages back:
Originally Posted By: 2ndtimearoundCA
1. There is a lot of push/pull going on in your situation that could be creating attraction. Since she is not totally done, pushing her away might actually be drawing her back in. Also there is the possible jealousy about the other women.
2. Your way of interacting with your w needs some serious help if you are going to have a healthy long term marriage. While it could create attraction, it will lead to an unhealthy volatile relationship.
It is clear that your w needs help (ugly babies comments, watching tv all day, etc.). All the back and forth, I believe is partially on you Jon; you are so frustrated with it, that the frustration actually perpetuates the back and forth issue. I hope you stick around here because I think others have had some great insights into you and I don't think you have totally heard them.
If you can make it happen, I believe the your relationship with you w would benefit greatly from counseling.
I am all about creating attraction, but I think you need to understand why it may be happening. Once you understand it, you may be able to come up with healthier ways to do the same thing.
He's right, while it may seem your actions are beneficial in creating some attraction it's actually a really unhealthy way to go about it. Jealousy might bring her back briefly, but it's not going to keep her there or foster a strong relationship between the two of you. I had a GF and we mutually broke up, then I started dating her best friend. My ex GF was furious. I didn't really understand why since she had been on board with breaking up too, but my new GF put it this way- "she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either." I think that's EXACTLY where your W is right now. So if you wave women in her face it may bring out her jealousy, but don't get that confused with a desire for reconciliation.
By the way, the 2nd woman I dated in the story above is my W, LOL!
