Bug, you continue being as wise as always. "Live Now" is what we need--and it's the only thing we can do, because reliving our past or worrying about what the future might bring isn't really living.
OMG!!! You have no idea how happy I am to read this!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!
I'm sending you so many hugs! I seriously hope you are able to work things out but even if you don't it's a miracle your H is interested in changing. Whatever happens it will make him a better father and coparent (even if your kids are grown;-)
I wish we can see you soon!
Originally Posted By: labug
H and I went away for the weekend and I guess we're piecing. We both want to work on the M. We want to be together but our conclusion is we need to take it slow. We're not ready to live together and we're not ready to tell anyone just yet, especially our kids. They don't need any more emotional turmoil created by us.
I've seen 25 say so many times here that she thought she and her H had a 10% chance of reconciling and that's probably what I would have said about us. There were many times I thought there was no chance. Remember it took about 2 years before he could have an actual face to face conversation with me.
Almost exactly a year ago when I did a temp check, he was done, didn't miss me, didn't think about me and wanted it over, done. It was at that point that I was really able to let go and say, 'vaya con dios, I'll be fine.'
But he made no move to end the M and we talked about that. He couldn't bring himself to do it and so realized he wasn't as done as he thought. The truth was he always had feelings for me but couldn't live with me. He needed time and space to be able to figure things out. He wanted to be happy and couldn't be happy with me. I understand that, I was a very unhappy person at that time.
I was a little worried about this weekend because we haven't spent more that a few hours together in 2.5 years. What if we had nothing to talk about? Wasted worry (as worry always is), we talked constantly, except for during the Ohio State game last night.
We talked past, present and future. We talked about better ways of resolving conflict and made a pact on how we would do this moving forward. We talked about problems from the past like my depression, his anger, sex and what we need to do differently now.
I apologized for hurting him and he apologized for not being more present, for shutting down and avoiding problems. We talked about our fears.
He mentioned more than once how he has seen the changes in me and that I am again the person he fell in love with.
He even did the 5 love languages profile with me! I can't tell you how huge that is.
So I find myself surprised to be in this place but very grateful. I wouldn't be at this point without all those who have bared their souls here. I have learned from each and every one of you.
What have I learned? Patience, mindfulness, to have few expectations, to respond not react, never to speak from an emotional place, gratitude, respect...I know there's more but it's been quite a weekend and I'm sleepy.
I might move to piecing but it's getting more difficult to write and share things here. I'll have to think about that.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Thanks V, I am still a bit flabbergasted by it all. We had a text conversation a few days ago about a date this weekend and something had changed so the time or something (can't remember the specifics) was going to be different, he said "if you're still on for that" to which I replied "you know I'm not easy to get rid of" to which he replied "I'm glad you aren't easy to get rid of."
It's little things like this that tell me there's a lot of story we haven't even opened up yet and we may never need to.
I always thought I would want to know everything about the time we were apart, but I've found that's not important for me.
I think I need to lock this thread and move to Piecing.
Good thing I don't have a lot of baggage to drag over there. ;0
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
labug - I just caught up on your thread. Your dedication to yourself and to leaving the door open for your H is inspirational. I hope that I have the same strength! I will continue to follow your journey over on Piecing and wish you the best!
Yay Bug! I'll have to check out Piecing, keep in touch. You don't have to share all the gory details, but I think that continuing in DB forums will help you through the expected ups and downs of piecing. It seems like a common theme is frustration that piecing isn't the end of the road and all rainbows from that point. But you seem good at taking things as they come. Good luck, friend!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
