You'll think of me....

[RosaLinda]

Good morning all! Thank you all for kindly dropping in, I wish I could give you all a cup of coffee and a hug. Speaking of hugs, one of my friends just posted his experiences at Citizens Police Academy in New York City. One of the things he related:

"They showed us videos of how to spot gang members by how they act on the street. #1 "giveaway" was that thing where you reach around each other with a bit of space between your bodies, one hand around one shoulder, and clap each other on the back with the other hand."

So that answers the question of why our MLCers give us that dreaded <pat><pat> hug -- they have secretly been initiated into a GANG! The MLC Gang? Hmmm, it would also explain why they all give the exact same speeches (ie "I love you but...") -- they are given MLC gang member scripts to follow when they join up! Who knew??

Yesterday was my Scorpio H's birthday. He is 1 year and 1 week younger than I am and never lets me forget it We had a nice day, he did not want to go out, but he wanted to share a take out fried fisherman's platter dinner, and drove me up to the fish store to pick it up. He liked S28's gift (beer!) but told me to return the slippers I bought him because his feet shrunk and they won't fit him, but wouldn't even try them on. Plus he does not need slippers, he has the ugly booties RT knit for him. Wonka, I was considering using this as my first opportunity to "poke holes" in his OW nonsense, but didn't have the nerve. I've missed you, thanks for posting. Your old thread is locked up, and there's no way to get in touch with you to see if you're okay. I never heard of anybody's feet shrinking. He is so nutty sometimes.

Nero I don't know if this is detachment. I feel empty too. I do not hurt as much any more, but also do not love H as much any more. I can tell you that the rejection of my gift did not tear my heart out like it once would have. Look at what rH just wrote on Mnt Man's thread, this is what I have been hoping for, praying would happen with my H too, but I feel as if I get any more detached, I will NOT be there all shining and waiting for him when he wakes up out of his fog:

rH"I remember last Christmas when I was so desparate and turned to a long-time mutual guy friend that loves both me and H. We talked for an hour on the phone and he kept reiterating "your H is in a fog" and telling me to be strong and that when H comes out of the fog that I would be there bright and shining like the light to draw him home.

And he was right...my H DID come out of the fog! And I WAS there!"

I so appreciate that rH, both the encouragement to poor Mtn Man who is going thru the pits right now, and to all of us. But did you ever feel your love shrinking or dwindling or something? My feeling of detachment frightens me. Depresses me a bit. I still love my H enormously, but so much less than I did only a week ago. I feel as if my heart is growing a shell to protect itself, and am afraid that it will be too thick and icy for H to thaw if and when he ever wakes up from the fog. I understand what you and Dawn said about your Hs needing to hit bottom, that your H said he told you that "he needed to hit bottom once or twice to see reality". I don't know what the bottom would be for my H. I had hoped it would be Moscow. I can see now that his foggy eyes see some of his situation with RT clearly. And that he is playing a game leading her on, pretending to be planning to divorce me. Maybe hitting the bottom will be when she sends the Russian Mafia after his butt. She is a hellion and I cannot see her voluntarily giving her dream to get a green card up easily or quietly.

T2 "RL, I would bet now that he has lived his Russian fantasy, and seen the "not-so-fantastic" realities, it may take him some time to let go of it...he may keep hanging onto looking for some magical way to make it what he thought it was. Because, he couldn't have been wrong about it, right?

My IC seems to think W is going through that process...she could not have been wrong, and T2 DEFINITELY is not going to be "right" (lol), so let's try to hang onto it, re-work it, etc..."

I agree, Pud "Very genius thoughts t^2. They insisted it was the right thing to do, now they can't possibly be wrong can they? LOL. that gives me small hope, thank you for that insight." It gives me hope too. Big hope!

Also what Bright wrote: "Yes, this. “They insisted it was the right thing to do” applies to my H big time! He is very stubborn and it will take a major fall down to make him to re-evaluate his decision.

Rosa, I kind of had the same thoughts about your H’s behavior. He is buying his time by pretending that he is moving towards the D decision. I’m not sure what he is hoping to achieve by doing this though. Maybe he is trying to convince himself. Time will tell." Thanks Bright. I don't know if even HE knows what he is hoping to achieve by playing this game. Maybe that would be just a bit too much clarity for a MLCer at this time. And my H was NEVER one to admit he could possibly be wrong about anything even pre-MLC

Thanks for checking on me Portia , your posts are always introspective and thought provoking. And honest! -- "From an outside perspective, it seems that he does not have much incentive to change right now - you and OW are still competing. His ego is loving it. I don't think it matters who or what she is - she feeds his ego. Her demands, even while annoying to him, feed his ego. She wants to be with him that badly. The more she "begs", the better he feels. Even if HE is aware that it is impossible for them to be together. In truth, your H is using two women right now - you and OW. I cannot begin to understand that mentality.

I am thrilled that you stated your boundary and hope for your sake that you do not have to enforce it. When you become stronger or more detached, you might draw a line at him contacting OW while in your home - that YOU pay for. If he wants to talk to her, he leaves the house. We are told only to set boundaries that we can enforce and you may not be ready for that."

No, I'm not able to enforce that boundary, demanding he leave the house to talk to RT, so will not try, although I would love to. He does honor the boundary I set last April, that he only talk to her in his room, and not in front of me.

I know exactly what you are saying, and agree. Lots of cake eating here. But I am determined to let him go thru his journey in his own way at this time, as long as it's not killing me

Thanks for dropping by, Rose and Heather. I cherish your friendship and support! Heather, no subject is off limits on my thread, all "hijacks" accepted at all times Maybe my sons and I should get together for an intervention on my H!