Rolling in the deep...

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ.

I hate that S feels he has to interfere. There are going to be issues with their relationship down the road. Same goes for D. But I can't control that. It makes me mad but I can't do anything about it.

Watching H while we were "talking". He is just pathetic. Absolutely sad. He's really losing it. He's cracking. And there's nothing I can do but let him crack. We were discussing why I want D to be in counseling and he explained why he was hesitant to put her in. He said my fear is that she will feel like an outcast. Like she is different and weird and that she isn't normal. I watched him and realized that is how HE felt going through counseling as a kid. He was projecting. And I felt genuinely bad for him. Not sorry for him but sad that he would have to feel that way as a child. What a horrible upbringing he must have had.

I am wondering if H has signed this agreement why I wouldn't have heard anything from my attorney or the GAL? I emailed both today and neither one has gotten back to me yet. I hope he's not up to something and that he is on the up and up. I am not going to hold my breath with this.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

WH

[Pudmuddle]

I'm sorry things are so awful for you wh. I'm sending all my positive prayers and thoughts your way.

Take care.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks PM

I am hoping things are looking up. I am hoping H is serious and not playing games with me. I am ready to move on with my life and have some peace and serenity. H is out of his mind. Who knows what he could do?

But yesterday when we were talking I lost that fear. Any fear I had. I saw he is scared. More scared than I. He is just a big chicken. Most bullies are.

WH

[beatrice]

WH you are working through something very traumatic. Bullies will lose and power over you now. It is good that you are starting to see below the surface to the scared person who is doing all of this stuff.

As to repairing the damage later to your kids - that is for your husband to do, but children are very very forgiving as a rule. They remember the good times over the bad.

[willbwell]

WH, just reading your thread. it is a sad situation the fallout on our kids. I think the same of my h too. he says he's concerned about the kids, but he is concerned about himself first. a big baby. sure I have compassion for him. it must be miserable to be him right now.
I too am trying to work thru. to get to the other side with dignity and my self esteem intact.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks everyone.

I heard from my attorney. It's true. H signed these papers. I asked the paralegal to look them over and see if they are on the up and up. Apparently the GAL is out of it. He is done. He forwarded the papers from H to my attorney as a courtesy and asked us to deal with H directly regarding the settlement.

Sorry but I am dubious. There must be a catch. If it's too good to be true it usually isn't.

In other news the kids are off school today. We are relaxing in our pjs. Kids finished painting their pumpkins, we made chocolate chip pancakes, read books, and now D is playing Barbies and S is squeezing lemons for goblin lemonade. We will make cookies later too.

I wish every day could be this glorious. But I guess you don't appreciate the good if you don't have the bad.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Hello all

Had a busy trick or treat weekend with the kids. I made D a Snoopy costume (I even impressed myself) and S went as a soccer player. Not very original, but he is at that age. We made cookies, goblin juice, painted pumpkins, etc. Lots of fun. I need a weekend to recoup from my weekend. LOL!

So H has been a bee in my ear asking when I am going to sign the agreement and has my attorney seen the agreement, etc. He has dragged his feet for how many months and now expects me to hurry up and sign this? I explained that my attorney is out after surgery and his paralegal will review it and double check it. But I am not their only case so it might not be high on their priority list.

It probably doesn't matter but I can't help but wonder why H decided to sign the agreement? He is the one who demanded a case study and is now trying to back out of it. He tells me it is because of the money involved. I think there is more to it. I can't help but wonder if it is a trap? Or if there is a catch to it? Once bitten, twice shy they say.

And since he has signed the placement agreement he has been so nice. Things at the house (when he's there) are a lot less stressful. He includes me on decisions, asks my opinions about things and seems a lot more chilled out. D had a soccer game on Saturday. H showed up 22 minutes after the game started, stayed till the end, took some pics since it was her last game of the season and then headed to the house to pack the ladder and a few other things. Must have been doing some work on OW's house.

Last night he showed up at 6:00 to take the kids trick or treating. I told him I was running to the grocery store to pick up pizzas while he had them. He looked panicked and asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said aren't you keeping them the whole hour? He said it depended on D and how she was handling things. I said I wouldn't be gone long. I got back about 20 minutes later and started cooking the pizzas. 15 minutes later H comes in with the kids. He stayed about 10 minutes, told me some funny stories, kissed the kids and drove back up to OW's house which is 2 hours away. Make sense? I didn't think so either.

So I guess the ball is back in my court. I hope this is all on the up and up and that H is going to do whatever it takes to make things final. Keeping my fingers crossed.

WH

[AJM]

Have you ever played poker, WH? Have you seen how you know you have a losing hand, but you bluff to some degree anyway because you sense the opponent can't stand up to it?

When it comes time to show your cards, you find out that the other person isn't larger than life. Rather they are a pathetic and scared little child in most cases. Children that were trying to get their way by bullying and bluffing.

It really can be over that fast. It really can be all a big bullying bluff. It surprisingly can be.

You'll be surprised by some of the things that happen in the future as well; things he led you to believe that aren't, well, factual. (shocker, right?)

In time, you may stop looking because it's disgusting instead of the currently painful.

Glad things are changing though. I see that as a great thing for you and the kids. Your son getting involved is not a sign of a good thing.

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Hey AJ

Nope. Never played poker. I have heard the Kenny Rogers song though. I'm not a gambler, but I do have a great poker face. H...not so much. I know when he is lying.

I hope it's all on the up and up. If it is, we need to get the house scenario settled and we should be good to go. Who knows how that part is going to play out.

I can already tell he's going to be more absent than not. I may be wrong, but I don't think so.

It's his relationship with the kids. I'm staying out of it.

WH

[AJM]

I think that's a wise approach.

You may not have been a gambler, but you do have kids and you've seen what a toddler will do when they are upset. How they lash out and blame, cry, throw fits, etc. This is similar. People grow up, but they don't always emotionally grow up to match the age.

As for whether or not its on the up and up? As was once said, trust. But verify. You already know you can't trust him. Heck, he can't trust himself, so why would you be able to, right? But you can see that things are moving and I suggest you be wary as the process moves on. Just know that it is moving and things will start falling into place more and more quickly in the coming weeks. Most likely.

Peace,
AJ