Surviving Infidelity

[2chiquitos]

I'm so happy to be back and read up on some of my old buddies, especially to know how great you are all doing on your journey.

I miss you guys and just needed some time to sort things out before coming back. As I write this I feel the lower half of my face going numb. It tends to happen when I have stress. WHat am I stressed about???

I've been to 2 meetings in the past week. I usually go to more but I let other things get in the way. I'm journaling and trying to work my program as best I can and hope to get back to my routine meetings again, starting tomorrow. Other than that...

H and I are doing much better. So much better than 3mos ago when we were barely starting to reconcile. My triggers aren't as bad, thank GOD! I think they were so bad because I thought it would never get better. It has and he has helped.

We tried going to a MFT but he wasn't at all helpful. I think we do a better job on our own. Al Anon helps me out a lot and it helps our reconciling as well. I continue to go to my IC but again, Al Anon helps me out so much more. It works if you work it!

If there are any problems I could bring up about this point in reconciling is the issues with his friends.
Before the affair they were our friends. I considered the wives of his friends my friends so I was very hurt when they stopped talking to me during the sitch. H said he told them to stop talking to me.(as if that would make me feel better). I told him they were being loyal to him but what about me? How can I have a friendship with these people again?

We have gone out with them a few times recently and I am not rude but not engaging. I treat them like acquaintances. I laugh and interact in conversations but I'm not engaging. KWIM?

Anyway, I don't feel comfortable with them. H kept excusing it by saying it was all his fault but then the other night one of the women apologized to me. "Vero I'm so sorry but you know sh1t happens." She was buzzed and I ignored it. I brought it up to H to reaffirm that it's not just his fault but she admitted to her part in it. He took it upon himself to say that we won't be getting together with them as often as we had these past few weeks.

I could tell he was affected by his decision but I was ignoring my feelings and trying to work on the marriage by going out with them. It made me feel as if I wasn't respecting myself.

Aside from all that my kids are doing great. I can see D2s relationship with her dad growing and S5 idolizes H. He always says he wants to be just like him. Oh brother... lol

H is a great dad and we're doing so much better at coparenting. We have respect for each other. That sums it up.

In the issues of love/lovemaking and all that it needs work but it's microbaby steps. There is progress.

BTW: Remember way back when H got his tattoo. He was so excited about it and I was so not. I associated it with the sitch. Recently he said (without me saying anything about it) that his tattoo was a regret since it reminds him of how messed up he was during that time. He says he gets this nauseous feeling anytime he remembers the affair because of how he regrets it.

I don't bring up my past resentments from the sitch. What for? It stirs the pot. I don't want to stir the pot. With time he has learned about things that have made him feel even more remorse. I don't need to bring it up. I can only imagine how much his realization of all this has hurt his self esteem. How he sees himself.

I'm not one to write to Virgina or MWD and give them my success story because I don't see it as a success just a story. It's been so hard that I don't want to sugarcoat it. 30% of marriages survive infidelity for a reason. I would like to think I'm in that category but I should wait about 4-7years (when they say you recover from the affair) in order to consider our relationship saved.