Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now

[2chiquitos]

OMG!!! You have no idea how happy I am to read this!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!

I'm sending you so many hugs! I seriously hope you are able to work things out but even if you don't it's a miracle your H is interested in changing. Whatever happens it will make him a better father and coparent (even if your kids are grown;-)

I wish we can see you soon!

H and I went away for the weekend and I guess we're piecing. We both want to work on the M. We want to be together but our conclusion is we need to take it slow. We're not ready to live together and we're not ready to tell anyone just yet, especially our kids. They don't need any more emotional turmoil created by us.

I've seen 25 say so many times here that she thought she and her H had a 10% chance of reconciling and that's probably what I would have said about us. There were many times I thought there was no chance. Remember it took about 2 years before he could have an actual face to face conversation with me.

Almost exactly a year ago when I did a temp check, he was done, didn't miss me, didn't think about me and wanted it over, done. It was at that point that I was really able to let go and say, 'vaya con dios, I'll be fine.'

But he made no move to end the M and we talked about that. He couldn't bring himself to do it and so realized he wasn't as done as he thought. The truth was he always had feelings for me but couldn't live with me. He needed time and space to be able to figure things out. He wanted to be happy and couldn't be happy with me. I understand that, I was a very unhappy person at that time.

I was a little worried about this weekend because we haven't spent more that a few hours together in 2.5 years. What if we had nothing to talk about? Wasted worry (as worry always is), we talked constantly, except for during the Ohio State game last night.

We talked past, present and future. We talked about better ways of resolving conflict and made a pact on how we would do this moving forward. We talked about problems from the past like my depression, his anger, sex and what we need to do differently now.

I apologized for hurting him and he apologized for not being more present, for shutting down and avoiding problems. We talked about our fears.

He mentioned more than once how he has seen the changes in me and that I am again the person he fell in love with.

He even did the 5 love languages profile with me! I can't tell you how huge that is.

So I find myself surprised to be in this place but very grateful. I wouldn't be at this point without all those who have bared their souls here. I have learned from each and every one of you.

What have I learned? Patience, mindfulness, to have few expectations, to respond not react, never to speak from an emotional place, gratitude, respect...I know there's more but it's been quite a weekend and I'm sleepy.

I might move to piecing but it's getting more difficult to write and share things here. I'll have to think about that.