"You are right about one thing....you didn't deserve the way she left you. Since you have never given her reason to fear you physically, she is either chose the manner of leaving b/c it was her idea of being the "easiest way" to end things, or she planned it that way b/c she intended to avoid any resistance from you. It still gives no reason as to why she left, and that's what you really wish to know."
Sandi, thank you jumping in and commenting. It is definately appreciated. I believe she knows I would of been crushed if she gave me the "speech" before leaving. Obviously we had issue's in our marriage, Sadly I was like so many other men who didn't see or listen well enough to the suttle and maybe some not so suttle hints. I continue to try and come to terms with how she left and the "why" is slowly fading away.
The hardest thing I'm left to deal with even 6 months later is that we were as we always were. A couple doing for each other, talking with each other, going to breakfast or dinner with each other. This continued right up until the day she left. Then WHAM a brief call telling me she arrived and that she wasn't coming back. The day before I was taking her to the doctor staying with her sitting with her and even opening the car door as I did occassionally (not always).
So, yes it is difficult to accept the way it went down. To go from breakfast that fateful morning to our usual talking on the way to the airport to turning icy cold with little contact all in the matter of a few hours time is stunning to me. A couple of our friends have conflicting views on this. The first, a mutual woman friend says she just may be trying out what she said to her daughter. Living for a year without me to see if that is what she wants.
The other friend, a male says she is not coming back as she has it very easy now with her son helping her out and may prefer to be alone. There had been no OM while we were together. Today I would have no idea other than to believe it very well could happen. To me, it makes no sense to leave the way she did. The fact alone she put her bible down just prior to leaving might say alot about her thought process.
Let me just say, 6 months later and I am doing much better emotionally. It is and will be okay I know this. Whatever she does is out of my control. I understand I can only fix me and live to be a better person. Not sure why she hasn't filed yet but, I have left that and her alone for going on 2 months. I have no choice but to let her reach out to me if that day ever comes.
