Living on a roller coaster

[job]

CC,
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time today. Sometimes, even when we think we are detached, we still have that one little thread of hope that keeps us dangling. It's okay...we have expectations that we look for in the person that our spouse once was. I think what is the most difficult is seeing the person you have loved for a long time standing there, and yet, their personality has become the mirror image of the person you knew (exact opposite). What is difficult is learning to accept him for who he is today.

You can't rush the process. You are now on his clock. His mlc clock will run extremely slow because it's gone back in time and he's become that teenager once again. While life is rushing by us, he's living in a different world that only involves himself and exploring things that he may not have explored previously. I know you want it to end today, but it can't. He has to finish growing up. No one can predict whether his crisis will end in a year or so, but forever is a very long time. Hopefully he will not remain in Forever Land w/Peter Pan.

If he wakes up, it will not be a sudden awakening. It will be a very gradual one, i.e., just like when he entered mlc. So gradual, you may not even notice his pending descent back to Earth.

Just remember, nothing is as it appears. He may appear to be having a jolly time, but I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. Why? Because when night comes, he is alone w/his thoughts and they are not pleasant ones. The inside of his head is a jumbled mess of confusion, paranoia, fear, etc. No, they really aren't having a jolly time because they are self-medicating for the internal pain that they are feeling. Some can describe the pain and others can't. It is like they are being choked, being squeezed to death or even thinking they are actually dying a slow death. No, it's not a jolly time. Please do not be fooled by the masks they wear. Wearing masks gets very tiresome and in some cases the masks will begin to drop and tears will fall, the weary look around the eyes will appear, the sparkle in the eyes disappears and you will see that deer in the headlight look. No, they aren't having a jolly time.

CC, trust me, you have living a far better life as a rational adult. Keep the focus on yourself and your family. Allow him to travel the Earth to find himself.

[Pudmuddle]

"weary look around the eyes will appear, the sparkle in the eyes disappears and you will see that deer in the headlight look. No, they aren't having a jolly time."

I see this weary look in my H now. Very nice description job. I love the experience factor you all have.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks but keeping up this happy life get tiring sometimes. I've got the next 10 days planned out with lots of fun. Fingers crossed that shoud life my momentary despair.

[job]

CC,
No one has said that you have to be happy all of the time. Just be yourself. If you feel sad, feel the sadness and let it go. If you feel like crying, do so. Trying to put on the happy face all of the time gets very tiring and eventually will wear you down. No one is happy all of the time.

Don't wear yourself out planning a lot of activities. GALing can entail a nice walk or a drive, reading, catching a movie or just relaxing. You don't have to be busy busy to GAL.

Just be yourself.

[CallaghanClown]

Feeling very stressed today. Not feeling well, so a but tired and overwhelmed

My H called to say he'd been for an interview for a new job in my area but that he's not 100% that he'll get it or take it. He also didn't come to see the kids last night or tonight but the kids didn't seem bothered, so that's good. He says he's been having a few really bad days. I told him I'm here if he needs to talk.

I've taken my wedding rings off too. Just felt like the right time. I'll put them back on if/when I want. But at the minute I don't want them on.

I really want to call my H tonight. It feels like there is a white elephant in the room and that I need to talk to him about our relationship. I know I'm wrong. I know I'm not going to talk to him about our R.

I'm letting him get on with his life while I get on with mine. But the desire to grab him, shake him and tell him he's being an idiot is overwhelming sometimes.

[job]

CC,
I'm sorry you are feeling a bit under the weather. It could be that time of year or the weather, but I do think stress plays a huge role in how you feel. Try to get some much needed rest, lots of vitamins and plenty of water.

Well, at least he called to tell you about the interview. Many of them don't share much in the way of what's going on in their lives. You did the right thing in lettering him know that you are there if he needs to talk. No pressure in that sentence.

No matter what you say or do, it will not wake him up. Yeah, I use to think about having some brain surgery done on my xh...but it wouldn't have worked. LOL!

Take care of yourself and get some much needed rest.

[CallaghanClown]

Wow 180 time....emotionally speaking. Saw my H this morning and suddenly thought....I don't want you. I'm sure I deep down mean I don't want the you that you are now. BUT this is still a baby step towards detachment for me.

The kids are going away to my parents for the weekend so he shouldn't have to contact me at all till Monday. I'm looking forward to the break.

Wishing everyone else a great weekend.

[CallaghanClown]

I think he's broke me. He's perusing a girl his own age that we've known liked him FOREVER. I'm not sure i can cope with this. I am shaking and just want out. Mentally ill or not, this is not what I signed up for. Pass me my pay check I'm on my way out.

[LoisB]

CC,

You will be ok. Really.

I felt this way a few days back. I felt like I had reached my limit. I was done.

Take a moment and gather yourself together. Once the shock wears off some, you will gain some perspective and life will make a little more sense. Let your mind wrap around this news.

Heather

[LoisB]

CC,

What happened? How did you find this out?

Heather